Pop Shot

25 Things I Want (In Bed)

2009-08-21T11:44:00.000-07:00

Recently, Greta Christina got the awesome opportunity to go and see Adam Savage (a.k.a. the redheaded dude w/o the beret on "Mythbusters") read a piece he wrote about 100 things he wanted in life (a little bit of it is here). She was so inspired by it- and so incensed at the fact that it left out anything sexual- that she wrote her own list, narrowed down to 25 instead of 100, of things she wants in bed- ranging from the fantastical to the easily attainable. Tt was entirely fascinating to read, and of course, ended up inspiring me to write my own, as well.

Some were quite surprising, like recurring themes of not having to struggle with self-esteem. Others, it just felt nice to actually write out some of the fantasies that have long lived unspoken in my head. Some of them are things I'm dedicated to setting out and doing, because this list made me very aware that it's possible, and, what's more, that I deserve them. It was really an interesting experience to write it- very thought-provoking. I highly encourage anybody else to try writing out their own- sexual or otherwise. And, in the meantime, feel free to read mine, after the jump!

1) I want to be the victim in a serial killer-inspired roleplay fantasy. (Okay, fine. Dexter-inspired. I'll admit that the idea of being naked and strapped with plastic wrap to a table, with Michael C. Hall staring me down, gives me delicious shivers). I couldn't even tell you what I'd want to happen in the role-playing . . . not sex, because that would kind of ruin/cheapen it, not hardcore torture, because I couldn't take it. Just some sort of serious fear, the threat of sick twisted shit and menace, a strong sense of ritual and routine and just a sort of pervasive evil, a detached boredom. Hard to explain.

2) I want to have an emotional breakthrough in a BDSM scene- for tears to suddenly come pouring out unbidden from somewhere deep inside of me.

3) I want to spend time in some sort of BBW nudist/sex resort where everybody there is hot for my body type, and I can wear whatever I like- clingy fabrics included- and for once not let the confidence come from the inside, but to relax and let it come from others, from the outside.

4) I want to have sex with a beautiful androgynous person who has literally all parts- breasts, cock, cunt, asshole and prostate. Don't ask me how it's all arranged; it's just there.

5) I want to find and use completely opaque condoms- thick and in all bright colors of the rainbow, and use them on a guy- turning his cock into a pretty sex toy. My first sexual fantasies, before I really knew what a condom actually looked like, imagined it to be opaque and as orange as a traffic cone (why did I think that?), and the image has stuck with me.

6) I want to have a prostate and feel what men feel when they get fucked.

7) I want to have sex while pressed flat to the window on the highest floor of some urban skyscraper at night- the chill of the cold glass against my skin in the front, the warmth of the body behind me, and the gorgeous twinkling nightscape below me.

8) I want to get my labia and nipples pierced.

9) I want to create porn with my own personal vision.

10) I want to be mummified (below the neck) in Saran wrap.

11) I want to experience weightless sex in a zero gravity environment. I want to take advantage of all sorts of freakish acrobat-style sex positions while doing so.

12) I want to stumble upon an orgy in a beautiful meadow, full of mythical creatures- satyrs, fairies, pixies, mermaids, nymphs, gods and goddesses, witches, vampires, centaurs, angels, demons . . . all gorgeous and iridescent in the light of bonfires. And then I want to be invited in.

13) I want to be able to, at least for one day, walk around and not have to censor myself at all. I want to sing bawdy songs while I do the dishes. I want to crack crude sexual jokes and elbow and wink at people. I want to talk openly about kinky sexual things. I want to watch a TV program and say all the things that I want to do to that hottie onscreen, the things I currently only say in my head. I want everybody to be on the same page as me, to be fine with all of this, and to do it, too.

14) I want to vacation with a lover at a huge, beautiful, hidden-away-in-the-woods kinky bed-and-breakfast.

15) I want the courage to be able to tell someone who doesn't (or who won't likely) reciprocate my feelings that I find them sexy and attractive. I want to do it without being vulnerable. I want not to care and thus make them squirm and feel awkward, instead of me. I want to have the power and strength to be able to pull a Katya Derevko move (in "Alias", she tells him "I find you sexy, Jack. Deal with it."). That's what I want, to tell others to deal with the fact that yes, I find people who are "out of my league" to be sexy. And I want admitting that to not make me feel bad about myself, but better.

16) I want to have a poly relationship, even if we all sort of know that it's not something that's going to last. I just want the experience, and to be able to part ways amicably, when it comes to that.

17) I want one roleplay costume that was custom-made just for me- fitted, tailored, authentic design, expensive fabrics, excellent sewing, high-quality, exquisite attention to details. The kind of costume that gives you a thrill just to know that it is in your closet, that fits like a dream and feels like a million bucks, that instantly transforms you into the role when you put it on.

18) I want to undergo My Fair Lady-esque training, with feminization training mixed in . . . taught how to be a good companion, the perfect woman. Lots of training to walk in high heels, to float effortlessly as I walk, to be charming and graceful, to become a femme fatale. I want to accompany him somewhere to be made to perform the role, and I want for every second to radiate my submissive desire to please and his quiet, controlled dominance and pleasure with it.

19) I want to see an erotic cabaret or burlesque performance at some wonderful atmospheric club that's evocative of the 1930's.

20) I want to masturbate while lying in a massive, pillowy pile of women's dirty underwear (dirty as in smelling strongly of them, crotches stained with sexual fluids . . . no skid marks, just to clarify), breathing in the overwhelming scent all around me. And then I want to fall asleep there, curled up in them.

21) I want to seduce a naive, innocent, virtuous, beautiful barely legal boy, in tandem with an equally kinky female partner, to watch him resist, succumb, fight the urges, give into the temptation as we tease him and introduce him to everything possible, as he experiences it for the first time. Extra points if he's religious and shy and repressed but curious (of course). Or maybe it'd be a little more ethical if it were roleplay and I wasn't actually inducing sinful behavior and creating nonbelievers.

22) I want to be mindfucked by someone who is a master of mindfuck.

23) I want to pay for sex with a gorgeous butch lesbian escort (or, alternatively, a sexy FtM escort). I'm not quite sure why I have this fantasy, actually . . . but I've bookmarked every one of the few escorting profiles out there on the web and it's pretty damn persistent as a fantasy, holding all the appeal that a femme escort or a male escort simply doesn't have for me.

24) I want to try a fucking machine. Well, actually, I would just like access to all the different fucking machines there are in the world, please and thank you.

25) I want to be able to change sex at will- including to any variety of trans or intersex bodies.

So . . . what are your 25 things?

Sexy Specs: Guys In Glasses Picspam

2009-07-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

I find it ridiculously sad that while glasses have gotten deserved loving in porn when girls are wearing them, the same is not true for the boys- not in straight porn (expected), but also neither in gay porn. Granted, I love a girl in glasses . . . but I also love a guy in them, too.

In fact, I couldn't put my finger on what it was about this clip for the longest time, but I knew that it instantly caught my eye and kept me captivated. And then I realized it was that freakin' hottie in the glasses, definitely a rare sight outside of amateur porn. And when he took the glasses off at the end, magically, all interest disappeared (as it did when seeing pictures of said fella, Ben Andrews, without them). Despite the fact that the idea to put him in glasses in the film at all was because people kept complimenting him on them, he only wears them for one scene and appears on the DVD cover sans specs- surely a sign of gay porn's four-eye prejudice!

So behind the cut, without further ado, is an entire wall of sexy (read: provocative or nude!) boys in glasses picspam just for you (and for me, too). It was difficult collecting and gathering them, but I managed to hit most bases, I think- skinny twinks, sexy nerds, muscle men, the Clark Kents, a couple of bears, and a few (but not enough) guys of color. I've linked to their sources when possible, so click if they're clickable, and most of all, enjoy!

Left above: Photo credit: turntable breastplate via fayde2memory

Can I Be Your Daddy?

2009-06-21T14:01:00.000-07:00

This is an old Myspace blog I wrote a couple of years ago, but I feel it's appropriate for Father's Day. My papa is in Las Vegas right now, losing at the World Series Of Poker Tournament (Qustion: what the hell kind of event organizer schedules a huge poker tournament on Father's Day? Answer: a douchebag.) But nonetheless, I love him and wish all fathers out there a wonderful day.

It's a common enough phenomenon: girls are raised to play with dolls. What irony, that the tired, bedraggled mothers who, despite the rewards and love of child-rearing, would want to make their daughters do the same, albeit on quieter, cleaner plastic versions of themselves. Is it out of spite? A conditioning that we hope will stick in the recesses of young girls' brains to come out of dormancy once they have their own little ones? Or just a desire to train them young in the babysitting they'll have to do eventually for mommy?

Whatever it is, it happens. And even after we outgrow toys, it doesn't stop there: it's assumed that girls will ooh and coo over babies with an innate maternal instinct. Postpone having children because you want to focus on your career, because you believe the world is too horrible a place to raise a kid, because you want to keep your plumbing nice and tight. But don't you dare mention to anyone that you don't feel the call of motherhood.

It's sacrilege.

For the longest time I've lied to myself. I don't like kids. I'll admit it. Oh yes, they're cute. Darling, even. And I understand that even the worst kids can be like angels. But I feel immensely uncomfortable around most of them. The same way we imagine the prototypical man is how I feel. No, I don't want to hold your baby. I feel awkward, I feel like I'm going to break it, and when it's in my arms, I don't get a stab of pleasure in my heart. Sorry; it's not the kid, it's me. I don't understand how to behave with kids. Other people seem to innately know when to coo and baby-talk, when to use kiddie language, and when to speak to the little ones like adults. I just have no idea of how to judge a child's age or skills that way, and it makes me nervous. They set me on edge like animals. I've often joked with my friend that when we have kids, we'll do it sequentially- she'll take it until it's about 4 or so, and then we'll trade off, so she can have the baby and I can have the child. Of course, that's fantasy. But the lie I tell myself is what I've heard my mom say: "I really don't like kids. But I love mine."

The strange thing is, I do want to have children. I want to impart everything I have to give to someone, to take my hand at shaping a person and doing better than my parents did (no offense, mom and pop). So what is it about having children turns me off so much? I think I found out today.

I don't want to be a mommy. You see, I want to be a daddy.

This revelation came completely out of the blue today. I was walking through a class building and saw the most adorable little toddler boy walking next to his young, handsome, sweet-looking father. They were such a pair, and they warmed my heart. It was then that I realized that I've rarely looked the same way at a mother-child pair.

Why? I actually remember a piece of writing that I did for my Sociology of Sex and Gender class where I talked about how unfair the purported mother-child bond is. It's elevated to sacredness that cannot be breached no matter what. Who most often wins in a custody battle? Because a child gestates in a woman and not a man, it is viewed as her sole property when, in fact, both a man and a woman had a hand in creating it. I wrote how much it cheapens the father-child bond when we think nothing can break the mother-child bond or talk about maternal instinct. What of paternal instinct? And even regarding 'maternal instinct', there are women all over the world who apparently have none. They discard their newborns in dumpsters or worse. Yet they went through exactly what my teacher countered with: "Ah, yes, but women carry a child for nine months and have that physical bond.". I just don't see it like that; men can feel just as strongly about their progeny. That's not to say that women don't have those feelings of closer connection because of the gestation, etc., but it's just that- a perception and feeling- powerful, significant, beautiful, but not innate, not above examination, and most of all, not limited to women only.

But more than that, there's just something about mothers that I dislike, the way they're viewed in society. I don't even think I can articulate the feelings that I have, that's how complicated they are. Does it come down to me not wanting to be a woman? Well, all gender issues aside, no, I don't think so. I like being a woman, or, perhaps better put, I like who I am at the moment, and who I am is a being with breasts, a vagina, two X chromosomes and slightly feminine behavior. I've thought of transitioning (never serious thought, though), but that's not why I want to be a father. I don't even really want a lot of the responsibility of being a man; I want to be me. Perhaps that's the answer: fathers are somewhat individuals; mothers are archetypes. I don't want gender archetypes. I want to raise a child with all my values, and not have them attributed to 'mother' or 'father'.

I want to be a daddy in a sense that has nothing to do with playing catch and ruffling hair. I like the perversity of fathers who don't stick to the traditional 'father' role- who are interactive in nurturing ways that make us smile and use words like 'hands-on'. I love the queerness of two daddies lovingly raising their children. Despite my sex, I want that. I want to be a role model for a sweet, darling son. These are just thoughts that assaulted me that I've been trying to sort out. What it all means, I don't know. But I can assure you that it's made me feel much more loving towards children, for whatever reason.

So . . . can I be your daddy?

Shit That Makes Me Angry

2009-06-06T17:15:00.000-07:00

If I come across something I find upsetting, I usually try to give it a few days to percolate in my brain, so I can revisit it with more than raw emotion, and actually inject some insight into it.

But right now, I just don't want to do that. I came across an individual on Yahoo! Answers who has me incredibly angry by her questions. Her profile states:

"I support mainstream folks, even those with the birth defect of Harry Benjamin Syndrome). I do not support alternative sexuality. ♀♂

Despite what gay and crossdressing men on here are saying, as well as other HBS-phobes, HBS is not TG. TG is chosen/acquired, HBS is a medical condition. We are prepared to fight to have our OWN community. I am a part of the HBS+mainstream community, and I will do whatever it takes to create a community for women like me that is not considered a part of the TG nor LGBT communities. The TS community started with Christine Jorgensen, while its enemies, the TG community, was started by a married crossdresser and some violent terrorists who attacked police officers.

All we with HBS want is to have our OWN community and have nobody speaking for us. It is arrogant that the LGBT tries to "help" us without our permission. Why help NORMAL women with a medical difference? We don't want nor need their help. They have NO right to try to help us."

That sort of shit makes me angry. That's all. Maybe I'll come back to this in a little while and write a grander, more explanatory post. But right now, I just wanted to post this.

Yes, I Would Like A Bumpy Glass Dildo, Please

2009-06-03T13:57:00.000-07:00

And really, who wouldn't? They're solid and heavy and require less lube and make cleanup a breeze- and I've never had a toy with bumps! Which is why I'm throwing my hat into the ring for Epiphora's little Twitter giveaway contest. (Speaking of which, apparently Twitter giveaways are really popular right now- Tony Comstock just gave away one of his movies!).

And yes, I know that I really shouldn't be entering any more contests, what with my recent winnings- I should be happy with my lovely little prize. But those glass dildos are pretty. And I'm greedy. Add 'em together, and what do you get? One active little contest whore. :D

So go ahead and enter the contest, too- the deadline is June 12th. Good luck!

Teabaggin' Singalong

2009-06-01T12:37:00.000-07:00

(Found this one lurking in my "Drafts". Unfortunately I missed out on being all timely and appropriate with the whole conservative tax-protest "Teabag" movement, because I suck. But then again, I think it's ALWAYS a good time for teabagging, and who really wants to sully the good reputation of testicular-facial play with the degrading act of politics? :D).

Dedicated to that fine art of placing the balls on the face. Kinda makes me wish I had a pair of my own, just so I could drape them over someone's forehead. Unfortunately, even though some toys are getting better, I've yet to find some with really realistic balls. I'll just sigh and sing about it, then.

1) Porn star Wolf Hudson, a.k.a. that cutie that keeps showing up all over Kink.com's various sites, sings this incredibly sway-worthy "I Wanna Tea Bag You" with Funkapatumas.

2) A little late, but an ode to Christmas, teabagging, and violence. What a mix. Too bad it isn't explained exactly how mommy managed to do any teabagging sans testicles. Anyways, here is "I Saw Mommy Teabag Santa Claus", from the Halo video game.

3) Runescape's "Teabag That Ho". A bit repetitive, and doesn't quite make that much sense to me, but I like it nonetheless.

4) I'm still not sure who sings this song. Mr. Mes? Dark Reality? Whoever it is, here's the "T Bag Song".

5) Huckleberry's fun and lively "Teabag Song".

6) And here comes dmbskier7's "Teabagging". Not sure if the song is their own, but the music video's pretty awesome.

7) Asa's "Teabag Song", live. Lol. There are many ways to wake up your children . . . teabagging is not endorsed by Dr. Spock.

8) The Tea Bag Boyz rocking their namesake song, "Tea Bag".

9) I'm not sure if you can make a dirty parody of a song that originally says "Superman that ho", but nonetheless, Trap Squad brings "Tea Bag That Hoe".

10) "The Teabaggin' Blues" by Ronz and the Roadies. I love it!

Go on, go and enjoy the teabaggin'. Sugar and cream [snigger] optional.

"But You'd Look So Pretty If You Wore Makeup!"

2009-06-01T09:32:00.001-07:00

I've been feeling very . . . attacked lately because of my gender and appearance. Quite honestly, I'm just not butch and I'm definitely not femme (dont' let those pictures at the top of the blog fool ya!). Much as I long to be one or the other or even the type of person who can wear each beautifully in turn, I'm always going to be slightly in the middle, never belonging fully to one camp and always borrowing bits and pieces from each. And I'm fairly okay with that. I'm being who I am.

But every once in a while someone does or says something that ticks me off, and this week they all seemed to happen at once, really weighing it on my mind and making me want to write them all down in a blog post. So, without further ado, here they are, after the jump:

* Going to get a new pair of glasses last week, the nice little old lady trying to pick out frames squinted at my face and said "I think maybe this time we should try something a little more feminine." I must have balked or made a face because she hastily amended "It's just that this pair is very unisex.", but the damage was already done. Feminine frames? Just what would that look like- pink and sparkly? Like a stubborn kid, I firmly set my jaw and determined to find the most masculine pair I could ("Do you have something in a hunter green, preferably with antlers?" . . . nah, just kidding). Luckily I went off and bought my glasses somewhere else, finding a couple of sylish new pairs that I feel good about, but the experience was a bit jarring to say the least.

* As we're watching some television, my dad spots some woman on the screen and asks, as he's wont to do, if she's a lesbian. He's always doing this, particularly if said lady is a bit butcher, and acts as though he's incredibly clever, to have connected masculine appearance with lesbianism. I have sighed so many times and Wikipedia'd the information, correcting him that no, said celebrity is married with three children, while he still raises his brow suspiciously. So he said it yet another time about some older actress I didn't know, and I bristled back with a "Why?", to which he responded "Well, she never wears any makeup!". That irked me to no end, and I instantly retorted "Neither do I!" (which, in retrospect, seems incredibly dangerous- that could have been one heck of an opener into a discussion about my sexual orientation). But his response instead was "Yeah, but you, like, paint your nails at least!". Correction- I paint my toenails red (never my fingernails, which are short, trim, and colorless, because I apparently am never careful enough with them for the polish to last prettily more than a day). I like it because that little splash of color makes me happy when I look at my piglets, and is far prettier in a pair of sandals than without. It's something I've done for forever, and it doesn't make me feel girly or feminine- quite the opposite, strong, flagrante, somehow. Not to mention I felt quite vindicated when I saw the quite butch Papi Cox of "In Search Of Wild Kingdom" with lovely red tonails, too. I didn't dare try to point all of this out to my papa- let him inhabit a world where painting your toenails makes you feminine and straight. But it still made me shake my head and sigh.

* Lately I've been working on growing out the hair on my head. I never style it (except to keep my relentless curly, wacky bangs in flatironed submission when they're really bad); it either hangs long around my face or is pulled back in a ponytail. I like it for a lot of reasons- I like the challenge of growing my hair out, of resisting to get it cut, of slowly watching it get longer and longer, and I love the way it feels (does that make me femme, to love running my hands through my hair?). I've always thought my long hair was a bit of a cover, a mainstream disguise. But yesterday a at a friend's party, my mother took a look at her pretty, short, elegantly styled hair and asked me why I didn't cut mine. I didn't take the time to remind her that my hair has been short before, layered, modeled after magazine pictures, and it never looks the way it did in those examples, because I don't style my hair- I want to wake up, brush, and go. I simply never want to have hair that makes you sadly say "No, no, roll up the car windows, I can't mess up my hair.". I didn't stop to tell her that cutting my hair like Bethany's wouldn't make me look like her- feminine, elegant, pretty, womanly. I didn't stop to point out that short, unstyled hair, compounded by my clothes, my weight, and my attitude, would only serve to scream "Dyke! Huge dyke!". I simply smiled and told her I was growing it out.

* A few days ago at work, the new secretary, decked out in hot pink, looked at me and asked if I was wearing pink eyeshadow (she was seeing her own outfit reflected in my glasses). I said no, and she went on to comment "But you would look really good if you ever decided to start wearing makeup!". I must have made another one of those faces, the surprised and disturbed ones that I can't even help, because she quickly threw in there: "I mean, it's okay- I didn't start wearing makeup unti I was 24." I nodded and fake smiled, but I'm sure she knew the damage was done. I just get so, so tired of people assuming that I don't know what makeup is. I'm sure they're picturing me rummaging through their handbags cavewoman-style grunting "What this tube red stuff?". Just because I don't wear makeup does not mean that I am in need of a makeover, that I am ignorant about that sort of thing. It's a choice, not a default. I recognize that if I took the time and effort, I could be more feminine, more "beautiful", and I wish more people would see my not doing that as a conscious choice, and stop trying to "save me from myself".

So yeah, that's it. It's not a lot, but somehow, coming one right after another, just seemed to compound the message being thrown at me- be more feminine!- and I feel chafed, caught in-between, even less able to reject these messages than if I were full-out butch. It sucks, to say the least :(.

Dudes With Boobs

2009-05-31T22:00:00.000-07:00

Yeah, it's a post about guys with boobs, as says the title. And no, it's not about gynecomastia. If you're curious, jump on in.

I always feel a little guilty and wrong by the fact that I get so turned on by the idea of men with breasts (a.k.a. actual female breasts, not manboobs). It's just rather difficult, given that they either don't exist on non-trans men, or they are hated body parts for transmen (and I hate to objectify trans bodies, especially focusing on a body part for which they want the least attention).

And yet, nonetheless, I am drawn to the idea of a guy with breasts, regardless of what he's got going on down below his belt buckle. Not a transgirl, but a guy. And sure, butch girls will do in a pinch, as will the rare non-top-surgery FtM who's okay with his chest (Ian Foxe of Trannywood Pictures fame comes to mind, and has discussed his chest and the not-so-kind reactions it's gotten here). But they're pretty rare, and a butch girl is a girl, after all, not a guy.

It does tend to make me think a bit critically when it comes to trans admiration/fetishization . . . the whole "shemale" phenomenon is a porn creation that rarely resembles real-life transwomen, and yet even the FtM equivalent in Buck Angel is not exactly the same, given the way testosterone changes one's genitals. Buck may bill himself as as a man with a pussy, but he isn't, not quite- he's a man with a transguy's vagina. And while estrogen does change the appearance and functioning of transwomen's penises, it's possible to present as fully female without the help of hormones- something a lot harder to do when one is FtM (i.e. no beard). I guess what I'm trying to say is that fetishizing transmen never feels like loving "dudes with vaginas"- it feels like a new attraction to transguy's front hole, in a way that enjoying T-girls in porn simply isn't. I don't know- I guess all I'm saying is that it seems a bit disappointing to me that when one of the joys of trans-admiration is beautiful gender-bending, boundary-crossing bodies, that there aren't really any guys with boobs.

I feel like the fictional character in this episode of Nip/Tuck- her husband got breast implants for a book deal and later she found she "couldn't keep her hands off them". I don't exactly get hot over J.K. Simmons, but I can't help but sympathize. A man with breasts is just a sexy idea for me.

The silliest part of this whole post is that what actually got me thinking of it was an episode of American Dad, of all things- where the boys took some steroids that made them grow some rather fabulous cartoon ta-tas:

Silly, eh? But it's true, and I have been wanting to write a blog for a while about how I lust after a sort of genderbending that doesn't really exist, so it gave me the perfect reminder and prompt.

Am I alone? Any other girls (or guys) ever think a boy with some blouse bunnies might be kind of hot?

I'm A Winner!

2009-05-31T00:30:00.000-07:00

Did I happen to mention THAT I WON THE SEXTOYS.COM CONTEST? (Oh yes, that totally warranted all caps).

Well, not really. I mean, I haven't (yet?) won the $1,000 shopping spree that would have 26 amazing sex toys delivered to my door free of charge- that drawing will happen on Friday, June 12, 2009. But I am super thrilled to say that I won in the Sexiest List for Women contest, and got the Acute Midnight Purple Dildo as my prize!

I was completely surprised when I got the e-mail, because I have terrible luck and never win anything- I was almost upset that I'd won a sex toy, because I couldn't just run around blurting about my luck to everybody!

When I plucked the lil' feller out of his box, I was just the teensiest bit disappointed- it is certainly acute, as in tiny. I'm used to my old standby, the G-Force, which comes in at roughly the same length as my forearm (not all of that meant for insertion, of course). No bells and whistles to make up for Acute's lack of length and girth. Oh, and it was purple- a color far too prevalent in sex toys, given how unsexy it is.

And then I got the wild idea to use it anally (my last anal adventure had been with the G-Force and left me unwilling to come back for more, for some reason or another). And, success! The Acute quickly earned my respect and now I'm all happy and thrilled again to have won something that I'll be putting to good use on a regular basis. And heck, the purple even seems kind of pretty now, all dark and sheeny with black swirlies.

So, I'm a winner! And, as much as it pains me to say it, you still can be, too. You can still participate in the contest up until Friday, the 5th of June, so if you haven't done it yet, scurry to it, and vie with me to be the glorious winner- at least if you win it, I'll still have a pretty nice consolation prize. :)

What Does It Mean To Be Pansexual?

2009-05-30T21:42:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been struggling with that exact question. What does it mean to be pansexual? Ignoring the omnipresent stupid joke thrown in there ("Someone who likes to do it with pots and pans?"), the answers are usually very similar- something about liking many genders, more than the male/female duo covered by bisexuality. And I agree with that definition.

And yet, almost every time I read someone's description of pansexuality, I cringe, as my eyes end up alighting on the all-too-common phrase "gender-blind".

I'll come right out and say it- I take issue with the idea of pansexuality as a state of being gender-blind. If anything, as a pansexual, I feel that I am the complete opposite of blind when it comes to my consideration of the sexual attractiveness of an individual. Gender matters to me- I am completely and utterly passionate about it, and it's one of many things that I respond to in another person. I simply cannot say that I am apathetic about gender, that I don't care if my lover is male or female or trans or two-spirited or third-gender or genderqueer. Of course I care, and it gets me hot to know that he/she/ze is any of those things. I get hot over their bodies. I get hot about their gender identities and gender expression. And that is why I simply find it hard to align myself with the label of "pansexual" when people keep on tossing terms like "gender-blind" around. I always feel like I need to add these caveats in order to differentiate myself and to explain.

But it's more than just this personal dissonance. I feel slightly betrayed by what "gender-blind" really means, in a political sense. I dislike this concept of pansexuality because it completely erases the desirability of trans/intersex bodies- especially as a "normal" desirability that is not part of, say, the strong T-girl fetish of a trannychaser. This "gender-blind" definition removes the possibility that someone could simply find trans bodies to be sexy BECAUSE they are trans, and instead makes it out to be an exception to the rule, laden with words like "in spite of". Why, one definition reads thus: "The ones who fall in love with people, regardless of gender, even transsexuals.". Even transsexuals. The disgust/contempt for transpeople drips off of that statement (even though I believe its writer to actually have good intentions). It's such a pervasive attitude, that nobody in their right mind could ever see a trans body as hot. It's a cissexist (is that a real term? If not, I'm totally coining it!) stance that firmly puts transpeople "in their place" by othering them.

And all that in a sexual orientation that is supposed to remedy the marginalization of those outside the gender binary!

But of course it is easy to want to applaud for pansexuality. It plays to the old and well-worn script of the accepting lover, the one we all want for ourselves. On the revelation of his/her/hir trans status, the accepting lover decides he/she/ze can "handle it". The phrases "I still love you for you.", "I love you in spite of . . ." and "I love you regardless." are thrown about and everybody feels good and happy and warm. We like it because pansexuality is the ultimate comfort- that someone could love you in spite of your flaws, whether that flaw is the penis you were born with but want to get rid of, or the rolls of fat on your body, or the skin you always worry is too dark to be sexy. It feels good to have that reassurance, the consolation of unconditional love.

The only problem with this is that it completely buys into the status quo. It subverts nothing, and in fact reinforces these ideas that you can only be truly sexy if you are cisgender, thin, white, etc.. What it says is "You aren't sexy, but I love you anyways." And maybe it's just me, but I know that I'd be more than a little upset if someone told me they loved me "in spite of" something about me that wasn't negative. I'm waiting for a new script- the one where the robe drops and the response is "You are so fucking sexy."- not "I think I can learn to love you."

The idea that pansexuality is somehow better than other orientations is very telling in this regard. It reminds me of Stephen Colbert's eponymous character's bragging claim that he doesn't see race. I can even hear the conversation in my head now: "Oooh, pansexual. How wonderful for you- how amazing that you are able to be so egalitarian, so open-minded, to not even see gender!". (Or, as I read on a Deviant Art blog: "I so badly WANT to be a pansexual. It's all I believe in, all anybody espouses who's enlightened!"). But in order to be enlightened, you have to have overcome all those old preconceived ways of thinking. It sounds like a compliment. It even sounds like it's trans-friendly, but it's not. It describes a world where trans bodies can never be desirable naturally, but have to be the result of some sort of monumental mental gymnastics. Not to mention that it is highly offensive to accepted understandings of sexuality. Enlightenment implies choice, as if you simply work at it long and hard enough, you can get an erection for a transguy. For most of us, who feel our sexuality was not something chosen, the belief that pansexuality is superior is horrible- setting anybody not pansexual up for failure because they cannot "get over" their transphobia and start liking gender-variant bodies. In every way possible, the idea of pansexuality as gender-blind and enlightened purports to be trans-friendly while in reality being quite transphobic and upholding the status quo.

And don't get me wrong- I'm not trying to say that pansexuality is the sort of political identity people take on only in order to subvert the status quo. I'm wary of anybody who says that any sexual orientation has some ulterior goal/motivation other than sex and love, in fact. I am most certain that there are pansexuals out there who do feel that the gender-blind definition of pansexuality fits them perfectly. Certainly there are even bisexuals who feel that way (dealing solely with the two mainstream genders, of course). I'm not saying that the definition isn't true, but merely that it's limiting, and that its implications subtly influence our understanding of trans people and, as I'll explain below- of sex.

I'm tired of being told that pansexuals fall in love with personalities and with people, rather than fall in lust with bodies and genders. In no other definition of sexuality does the word "love" pop up so frequently. Homosexuality, heterosexuality, bisexuality, even asexuality, all rely on words like "attraction" when we define them, which implies a range of feelings (aesthetics, romance, etc.) but most importantly, sex. Pansexuality, however, has been whitewashed of its sex, often in a sex-negative way.

I can hear it yet again- that admiring voice saying "Oooh, pansexual- gender-blind, so that you fall in love with personalities and not bodies! How wonderfully enlightened! How incredible! To not be so focused on such a base thing like sex, but to truly love people for who they are!"

Except that I am sexual. Oooh boy, am I sexual. When I am lying in bed with one hand stuffed into my panties and a fantasy playing on the back of my eyelids, I am not watching a romance where I fall in love with a character "regardless of gender" and we finally consummate our love. No, my fantasies feature bodies, beautiful bodies doing dirty, sexual things. I often see individuals and I want to fuck them, simple as that. No needing to know them. But pansexuality does not offer me that option. Apparently casual sex for the pansexual is out of the question, because we fall in love with people, not anonymous bodies in heat like straight and gay and bisexual people sometimes do.

Why the hypocrisy? Why is it widely understood that gay people and straight people feel lust based on a whole complex combination of aspects, with sexual attraction as the primary one, but pansexuals aren't allowed the same? Does it all come creeping back to the aforementioned problem with trans bodies, that of course it cannot be primarily or evenly wholly sexual, because nobody would ever be able to feel attraction for a transperson without being perfect in every other way, to make up for their "deficiency"? And what's with the glowing discussions of pansexuality as enlightened for seeing personality before sex? I don't know . . . it scares me, as an intensely sexual being, to be told that I am less moral because I get the desire to fuck somebody based on the physical- regardless of whether I follow through with that or not. It makes me worry that we are only thinly veiling our real deep-seated issues with sex, our view that it is something dirty and perverse and wrong, only validated by love and "nobler intentions" than getting your rocks off.

I have brought this topic up in conversation before and have been shot down and dismissed as nitpicking, but I just don't think that's true. Every time somebody says that pansexuality is about loving people regardless of their gender, it whittles away at the concept that gender-variant/trans/intersex bodies can be sexually desirable. Every time pansexuality is declared to be about love first and sex later, it implies that we have made a choice to put sex aside in order to be more enlightened. Every time that pansexuality is lauded over other orientations, it sends out a sex-negative message that sexual desire is base, lewd, something dirty to be sneered at and looked down upon compared to "pure" romantic love.

And I'm not sure I want to be a part of these implicit messages. So what am I left with? How can I construe how I feel without having to direct everybody to my blog? I picked up "pansexual" as a label for myself years back when I first heard it and breathed a sigh of relief, that I could condense a paragraph of sexual attractions into one neat little word. But that has no longer become the case, and I wonder if I should be making myself a new label, or perhaps fighting for an expanded, more nuanced understanding of pansexuality. All I can say is that I'm utterly confused on where I stand, and tired of correcting people, tired of hearing the words "gender-blind" and "personality". My sexuality has never been easy, but lately it's gotten to the point where I can no longer stand by the "P" word. What's a girl who wants to fuck all genders to do?

My Sextoy.com Wishlist

2009-05-06T09:58:00.000-07:00

I've known about Sextoys.com for a while, but they seriously shocked me recently with their offer of a $1,000 shopping spree giveaway (plus other sundry prizes) for anybody who blogs a $1,000 wishlist of their awesome products. How could I resist? So, without further ado, here's me throwing my hat into the ring with fingers crossed! (And, though the selfish chick inside of me is telling me to shut up and keep our odds good, if you have a blog or forum where you can post, you should enter, too- the rules spell it all out).

1) Bwarm Soy Massage Candle Amber ($27.89). Why I want it: I think this is the coolest innovation I've heard of- you get a romantic scented candle to set the mood, the fun of dripping wax onto your lover, and massage oil all in one product!

2) Fukuoku Five Finger Massage Glove ($58.99). Why I want it: I love using my hands for clitoral stimulation (hence the surprising lack of clitoral vibes on this list), so it seems like the Fukuoku glove is just made for me- vibrating fingertips, without the hassle of big, intrusive finger attachments (especially ones that might not fit chubby fingers)!

3) Lick-A-Lot-A-Puss Restraints ($18.19). Why I want it: I am very curious as to how, exactly, this product actually works (leather grippers?), but if it does, it would be immensely helpful in both cunnilingus and masturbation, since my lips tend to prefer staying shut when I want them spread wide open.

4) Anal Mini Tongue Vibrator ($51.49). Why I want it: I am constantly on the lookout for anal vibrators that do something less like buzzing and more like what your lover's skilled fingers/tongue do, and this toy fits the bill, swivelling round to tease and open you up, not just shake inside your tush.

5) Liquid Silk Personal Lubricant 250 ml ($26.19). Why I want it: I keep on hearing wonderful things about Liquid Silk (no sticky residue!), but one of the coolest thing about it is that it is one of the few lubes on Sextoys.com with that great pump dispenser, so you don't have to make your bottle slippery in trying to get some more!

6) PulsaBath (Purple) ($17.49). Why I want it: Jerking off in the tub is difficult for me at the best of times (the water washes away any natural lubrication), but I think this toy could fix that- a soft, spongy waterpoof vibrator that I could comfortably hold in place with my thighs for some hands-free stimulation, perhaps while reading an erotic book . . .

7) Inflatable Black Stud ($25.89). Why I want it: I always dread the idea of purchasing a new, bigger toy, fearing that it'll end up being too big for me and a waste of money- but this toy easily fixes that, by letting you pump it to new sizes while inside you.

8) Triple Spoiler Blue ($30.89). Why I want it: This toy is so cool to me simply because it's really three toys in one- beads and a large and slender dildo- that would easily allow me to switch between sensations and sizes without digging through the toy box, enjoy switching between anal and vaginal penetration without juggling toys or using condoms, and maybe even adding in some double penetration action, if I'm so inclined!

9) Heart Shape Breast Massager ($32.19). Why I want it: Usually, anything that vibrates on the nipples is long, tubular, and bulky (i.e. unattractive), not to mention pinchy-clampy; these caught my eye not only because they're *so* pretty (like cute pink pasties), but because they claim to provide less of an "Ouch!" feeling, and more of a "Oooh." one.

10) Nexus Gyro Purple Male Prostate Massager ($103.99). Why I want it: I have a secret . . . I often co-opt men's prostate toys for vaginal fun (really, the parts are all pretty analogous anyways), and this one looks stupendous, with its rock-back-and-forth-for-extra-stimulation possibilities.

11) Sassy Bendi Pacifier Blue Butt Plug ($14.89). Why I want it: Quite frankly, I just love the way this toy looks (what a pretty blue!) and how I imagine it'd feel as I walked around doing daily chores wearing it, all soft and bendable for my delicate booty.

12) Dildo Boro Glass Sleek Wand Clear Pink ($45.49). Why I want it: I've long wanted a glass dildo (for its heaviness, slickness, and ability for temperature play), and this one has the added benefit of being slightly curved (great for both easier use on the ol' wrists, as well as hitting those special spots inside), having a G-spot stimulating head and some bloops on the other end for a different feel.

13) Brand Spankin' Toy Cleaner 4 oz. ($12.19). Why I want it: I am often too lazy to get out of bed post-orgasm to clean my toys, and I imagine this spray would help me be a lot more hygienic!

14) Black Velvet 6.5 Inch Curved Dildo ($21.49). Why I want it: First off, I can't believe there are four pretty black waterpoof vibrators for $20, and secondly, I am really intrigued by the soft Velvet Touch material it's made out of- sounds luxurious and like something I definitely want to rub all over myself (not something I'm a fan of doing with my silicone dildos, for sure).

15) Weighted Orgasm Balls- Metallic ($18.89). Why I want them: Simple, elegant, weighted Ben Wa balls always make me feel like I'm undertaking some sort of sexy ancient Chinese ritual . . . while exercising my vaginal muscles!

16) Feeldoe More Double Ended Dong ($122.99). Why I want it: The Feeldoe has always been at the top of my list for things to try, because I hate messing with harnesses and shudder at the idea of those ugly, long, floppy "double headers".

17) Eyelash Spike Goggles ($53.89). Why I want them: I have never seen a blindfold that is hard and looks like a pair of goggles, and all of the sudden I'm wondering why, because these look freakin' badass, all kinky and steampunk rolled into one.

18) Platinum Jack Rabbit Gold ($69.89). Why I want it: It's got 7 functions, 6 speeds, and oh, did I mention that it's gold?

19) Japanese Bondage Rope Black ($16.19). Why I want it: I love the fact that it's long (because who can do any decent ties with ten feet?) and that it comes with a knot instruction brochure for those of us who might be beginners.

20) Silicone Flexi-Power Rod ($33.49). Why I want it: I think flexibility is really important in anal toys- not only because they minimize the chance of damage, but also because it sucks to have to contort yourself into weird positions just to masturbate, and I imagine I could have tons of fun with this one while even on my back (hard to do with a straight, rigid toy!).

21) Maximus Personal Lubricant 250 Ml ($26.19). Why I want it: Maximus is pretty much Liquid Silk for butt sex, and it has that aforementioned awesome pump dispenser that I love so much.

22) Thigh Harness Strap-On Harness ($25.89). Why I want it: Ever since I saw this used in the porn flick "Coming Home", I've wanted it- I mean, how cool is this nifty little device that lets you fuck someone with your thigh?

23) Pink Dildo W/ Suction Cup 8 Inches ($32.19). Why I want it: Suction cup dildos rock- you can stick 'em anywhere and enjoy hands-free fucking, not to mention that the pink color of this one makes me feel all nostalgic about my first dildo.

24) Glow In The Dark Kit ($22.19). Why I want it: Me + a pitch-black room + maybe a bit of alcohol + these cool glow-in-the-dark toys + mirror = trippy fun (also cool is the fact that there are two sleeves, which diversifies my sex toys and makes them all potentially glow-in-the-dark!).

25) Wet Look Lingerie Soft Sexy Gloves ($30.49). Why I want them: No big explanation here- they simply look fucking sexy.

26) Tantus Silicone Echo Purple ($50.49). Why I want it: This is the perfect simple silicone dildo to use with my thigh harness!

And that leaves me with a total of $990.04! Here's hoping I win!

Pretty Pictures

2009-05-01T21:50:00.000-07:00

Too tired to write a real blog, but not too tired to post some eye candy!

The lovely Mena Suvari, looking particularly beautiful in her shorn hair and awesome tattoo. Also, she's a feminist, which totally makes her even sexier in my eyes.

SydJizzer Could Take Over The World

2009-04-14T01:31:00.001-07:00

This could either be a clever example of photomanipulation, or, as I suspect, a rare photo capturing the true form of what I am now dubbing "SydJizzer", a monstrous yet strangely sexy queer amalgamation of disparate and autonomous entities known as Jiz Lee and Syd Blakovich, who can come together Transformers-style to become this crazy fightin' and sexin' machine, possibly sent from the future.

Clearly, SydJizzer could take over the world if it so chooses. 'Tis only by its good graces- and perhaps the urge to stay home and masturbate its lovely genital lump- that it doesn't do so.

Credits to Twincest.net. Also, kindly tagged as "WTF" for Jiz, a tag previously reserved solely for this very worthy pic.

Oh noes! Teh Dyke Iz Infecting Mah Gay Pr0n!

2009-04-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

It's official: I have been watching way too much dyke porn. And I'll tell you how I know- it's when I start wishing that all my other porn was just like it. I'm not talking about the way it's filmed or the refreshing diversity of body types and gender identities or anything like that. I'm talking simply about the sex and, more importantly, the hands.

Case in point: I'm easing back with a nice gay porn that's just starting to get hot and heavy, when all of the sudden I find myself thinking "Aw, dammit. They're about to start fucking each other with their dicks." And that thought threw me for a loop. I mean, what the hell else did I think was going to happen?

But I know what I wanted- I wanted them to fuck with their hands and with toys. I wanted to watch fingers working skillfully in and out of wet, willing holes. I wanted to watch guys get it on like lesbians.

I'll admit that watching lesbian porn (you know, the good kind) has helped me to fetishize fingering in a way that nothing else ever could have, back when the word used to hold no meaning for me. In fact, I think it's fair to say that I *hate* the word "fingering". "Fingerfucking" is marginally better, but it still has that annoying connotation, the one that whispers "foreplay". It makes me cringe, because I know what those straight people unfamiliar with lesbian sex immediately imagine when they hear the word "fingering"- they imagine something unfulfilling, an extended tease of light, soft probing. I was thrilled when I started watching real lesbian porn, started to see what I'd always known in my heart- that women can fuck one another without the use of toys. I've discovered the disconnect in these terms, these words we have that fail to capture the sheer dripping sex appeal of somebody using their hands to bring you to orgasm. Is it any wonder I catch myself staring at men's hands far more than I find myself staring at their crotches? Is it any wonder that I'd like to see that dynamic between men, or, for that matter, between men and women?

Unfortunately, if I want to find any of that captured in my gay porn, I need to cross the tracks, traveling from Vanilla Land to Fetish Town and its sister cities of fisting and prostate exam medical play. And while both of those have their upsides, it just isn't the same. Anal fisting is absolutely mesmerizing and hypnotic to watch, but it's another type of play to me. Once that thumb slips in past the knuckle, you've transcended plain' ol fingerfucking into another realm. You're handballin' now. The medical play is just as "off"- the prostate exam is merely the scenario to get the sex started, a catalyst and not the main focus. Both are hot in their own special ways, but neither are what I really want.

When I do find a little bit of finger play in my gay porn, it always takes the same place it does in straight porn- as foreplay, a means of opening him or her up in order to be able to take the mighty penis. It's one measly finger working its way up to only the second knuckle (something which, by the way, always makes me roll my eyes, because if you were truly prepping him for your massive porno cock, you really ought get down to the knuckles with at least three fingers- at least that is a bit closer in size to your actual endowment).

It's not that I dislike watching guys fuck- I love it quite a bit. Just as much as I love watching a woman strap it on and give it to a man or woman, or watching a man fuck a woman. But I've just grown accustomed to watching hands go to work, and they've become as much sex objects as the genitalia to me. I find it sad to see them so left out.

So in the meantime, I'll keep watching and looking for those rare moments when those idle hands get the chance to go to work. I'll keep browsing the videos that purport to have some "butt play". And I'll keep fantasizing about my dream porn- gay with a dyke aesthetic- full of blowjobs and rimming and jerking off and fingerfucking. Sigh . . .

Confessions Of A Non-Blogger

2009-03-14T19:30:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry!

It has been so long since I've written a blog, I know. I'm blushingly ashamed, especially since I have no excuse. I am not busy- I'm quite the opposite, in fact. You can actually probably well-gauge how busy I am by how many posts I have in a given month. In October of 2008, I was neck-deep in classes, homework, kitchen remodeling, and working out the details of a big change in a friendship. Posts? 30. Last month, with my only daily requirements some light cleaning and cooking meals? 3. When I have a lot piled up on me, blogging is my way to escape, to procrastinate. When I'm not busy, I have tons of thoughts swirling in my head that I want to blog about, but not much motivation to actually sit down and type them all out. I guess what they say is true- if you want to get something done, give it to the busy person.

Anyways, I'm gonna try my hardest to start posting some more blogs. Bear with me, readers, and check back!

~ Gwen

Macro + Genitals = Art

2009-02-09T22:52:00.000-08:00

As the title says. Extreme close-ups after the jump.

I don't know much of anything about photography, but I do know that I really, really like what they call "macro", that takes high-resolution, very sharp and in-focus close-up pictures. They are gorgeously full of detail- truly a visual feast.

Of course, there are lots of really amazing examples of macro photography. Nature is a favorite- flowers, leaves, water droplets, insects, lizards, and human eyes all lend themselves well to macro photography. Like the following photo. Pretty, right?

But I've found a subject I like a whole hell of a lot more: genitalia. Oh, sure, there are so many admittedly lovely pictures of genitals all over the Internet and in magazines. Many purport to be "close-up", which is often still at least half a foot away. I guess I just want "extreme close-up". There is something so incredible about the textures of our genitals, the stray, kinky hairs, the rich pink and flesh tones. Of course, some pornographers have gotten down on the macro shot, most notably Abby Winters, as amply evidenced in many sources. But because the majority of porn seems to ignore a deeper look at our parts, allow me to indulge you below (note: clicking on the pictures will take you to their original sites, where you can enlarge them and seriously soak in the sumptuous detail).

Romita Tempranillo's "Marbled". Cock has never looked so beautiful.

Herbus' "Dangle". There's just something so soft and almost delicate about this picture.

xandergr8's "front". Where to begin? Everything about this picture is just gorgeous.

Scottyskins' "Penis 9". You don't often get to see piss-slits in such detail, and it's surprisingly pretty. And there are quite a few more in the series.

Domnimes' "Skin". An incredible study in foreskin.

Loughborough's "Lower". The seam of testicles continues to fascinate me far more than it should.

Nuder82's "Ripples". Such an apt name for the incredibly wrinkly testicles.

ickylust's "Macro - Pretty Kitty". Pretty, indeed. Sigh. More like gorgeous.

MademoiselleKaterina's "lips sealed". Incredibly beautiful when enlarged.

StellaHase has a gallery full of macro studies of her body, all beautiful. Here, "Pink Tango". This truly qualifies as art.

And this one, "Waves of pink". Amazing.

SolitaryMist's "Nipple2". Nipples get a little more macro love by "mainstream" photographers, thank goodness.

sopbubblan's "Nipple". And the elusive male nipple, just as pretty.

Lest we forget that the pussy isn't the only orifice involved in sex, a study of a more oral kind: devil-without-horns' "It makes me smile".

Ecchi-Senshi's "Eat me". Almost as if recorded from a deep-throated dick.

I was expecting to find at least some macro studies of the anus, but, much to my surprise, none were to be found, but for this oft-circulated comic picture, whose true origins I cannot find. Was there really an art showing? Whose art is it? And, are those really assholes, or deceptive belly buttons? Brownies for anybody who can clarify.

So that's it. I felt very arty last night when I collected all these photographs, and I just had to put them all in a blog for posterity (and to share with you all). Enjoy.

Incest Singalong

2009-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

Inspired by my previous post (and the realization that I haven't done one of these for a while), here is a singalong devoted to lust and love between relatives. And let me tell ya something- it's actually pretty hard to find any good songs on the topic, once you sift out all of the parent-child abuse and subsequent revenge murder songs (you have no idea how common this theme actually is!).

1) "The Incest Song" from the KOMP Morning Show. Ah, your quite expected country song about "keeping it in the family".

2) "I'm My Own Grandpa" by Ray Stevens. Everybody's favorite funny song about the twisty intertwined branches of an incestuous family tree and a crazy conclusion.

3) Ah, good ol' "Oedipus Rex" by Tom Lehrer. Sure, Oedipus' tale isn't exactly heartwarming, because ripping out your eyeballs just doesn't make anybody think happy thoughts. And yet I still love this song. How can you not belt out "He LOVED his mother!"?

4) "Shame And Scandal", covered by Madness. Technically, this song isn't about true incest (just listen to the lyrics), but it certainly is about some familial confusion and lots of shame and scandal. Plus I want to groove to it.

5) "Incestuous Love" by Marc Almond. This is quite possibly the only song that speaks about parent-child adult consensual love in a positive (or at least neutral) way. It's very beautiful, actually.

6) "Sister Incest" by Sunset Sphere. This song is so dark and pretty and Gothic that I love it for the music alone, but the lyrics only add to it, creating a sort of decadent and magical world of shifting incestuous relationships, one you might find in, say, Ann Rice's "A Witching Hour".

7)"Can't Make Love" by Emmy Laybourne & Sam & the Music Of U.S. Bombs. The funniest and most lighthearted song on the list, I fell in love with it the moment I heard it. (Plus I love 'Helen' from "Superstar"). Not to mention that it's terribly catchy.

Jokes.com

Emmy Laybourne & Sam & the Music of U.S. Bombs - Can't Make Love

In The Wider Scheme Of Things, Incest Is Relatively Boring

2009-02-06T21:07:00.000-08:00

Oh yes, we're going to talk about incest. If you think you can handle it, (and have forgiven me for my horrible titular punnage), jump on inside.

Oh, and Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal, as far as I can tell, aren't incestuous siblings. Even if he is channeling "Redneck sister-lover" in that outfit, they've got their arms around one another in a way that's loving and possessive, and her face looks apologetic but proud to be open about their love and he looks slightly ready for a fight should anybody say an unkind word. Even if Gyllencest would be really, really hot.

But enough blathering. I'm not actually here to talk about the sexual appeal of taboo love (maybe later). This blog's a bit more straightforward than that.

Last night I watched BBC America's airing of Brothers and Sisters In Love, and was incredibly fascinated by the stories- and heartbroken over some. The documentary followed several incestuous couples and a near-couple (most brother-sister but one mother-son couple), all who were separated while young or never even knew one another, and then met later in life and either began relationships only to find they are related, or knew of their relation but found themselves struggling with an attraction. It also introduced me to the concept of GSA, or "genetic sexual attraction", a widely acknowledged but as of yet not scientifically studied phenomenon wherein reunited relations who have never met before begin to develop obsessions over one another, often but not always romantic or sexual in nature.

And yes, it might gross you out. In fact, outside of the big three gross-outs (necrophilia, zoophilia, and pedophlia), I'm not quite sure there is anything that inspires more instant revulsion and the absence of any sort of rational response (unless of course it is sexually attractive female twins wanting to share a man, in which case, it can help you sell beer). I don't think I'd ever given it more than a shudder before I watched the documentary (because everybody, possibly excepting those orphaned after every living relative was killed, instantly thinks of their own family). But when you remove it from your personal life and the idea of gettin' down with your blood relatives, the resulting picture is one of love, pure and simple, in a world full that greets it with hatred and hostility.

The most heartbreaking story was of Patrick and Susan. Patrick was given up for adoption as a child and reconnected with his biological family at the age of 23, and soon after fell in love with his sister Susan. They've become quite famous, given that they've challenged Germany's anti-incest laws, which took away their four children and imprisoned Patrick for a two-year sentence. Watching them get harangued by their neighbor and burst into tears at being told their daughter would be taken away, my heart was literally breaking. I simply cannot understand the need to interfere in the lives of consenting adults, in what is truly a victimless "crime".

Ah, but is it? So many people immediately turn to the question of the children of incestuous couples in order to produce a victim. We are a nation grown up on shocking images of what the product of incest look like: "The People Under The Stairs" offered up its gruesome namesakes, and the murderous villains of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", "Wrong Turn", and "The Hills Have Eyes" are all explicitly or implicitly portrayed as incest-borne offspring. Real classy, isn't it? Top it all off with a heavy dose of stereotypical backwoods hillbilly incest (I can almost hear the banjos now . . .), and you have a widely distorted view of what children of incest look like. Congenital birth defects and recessive diseases have morphed into psychosis and subhuman monstrosity.

In reality, yes, there are complications from producing children with a relative. In the case of close (i.e. immediate) blood relations, there is as much as a 50% (but usually 6.25% to 25%) chance that the child will be born with some sort of problem. At first glance, it seems like the perfect factoid to forever banish incestuous reproduction to the law books. And yet the same statistic is true for others: somebody who carries the Huntington’s Disease gene also has a 50% chance of passing that gene on to his or her children. There is no call, however, to stop such individuals from marrying and procreating. Or, for that matter, women over 40 or anybody else with a high chance of producing less-than-perfectly-healthy children. Can we say "double standard"? And moreover, the entire argument assumes that incestuous couples will want to have children in the first place, an assumption that is often erroneous.

But the people who speak out against consensual adult incest are not concerned with double standards, myths, stereotypes, or unfair laws. No politician in his/her right mind would endorse changing incest laws- it would be career suicide and, if he has any living relatives, more than likely fodder for every late night comedian.

It's rather ironic to me, actually, to watch how other movements for tolerance, understanding, and a live-and-let-live policy tend to trample on incest when it's convenient. For as long as gay marriage- or even homosexuality- has been an public issue, there have been opponents who use the "slippery slope" argument: if we accept homosexuality/allow gay marriage, then what comes next? Must we do the same for polygamy, incest, bestiality? Gay rights activists have understandably been outraged, and have called it out as what it is: a distraction, and a muddling of the issues. Homosexuality is not the same as any of those, and to lump them altogether is nothing short of intellectual dishonesty. I most certainly agree. And yet, all our protests against such statements tend to devalue incest. Instead of merely calling out the ploy, the message that gets sent instead is "How dare you compare gay love- beautiful, sacred, and normal- to the sick perversion known as incest?". It's self-preservation, I suppose, since anybody who championed the rights of both gay and incestuous folks would become "proof" of insidious plans to doom America, and probably be demonized by the gay rights movement for rolling back all the progress that has been made by throwing other persecuted sexual minorities under the bus.

Not that the pro-incest community is all that much better. Even the documentary drew a sharp divide between those dealing with genetic sexual attraction and those who form romantic/sexual relationships with siblings/parents with whom they grew up and were raised. Sufferers of GSA almost sound a little bit like the gay apologists of today who rant about the gay gene. Just as "I was born this way!" implies a justification and therefore some sort of wrongdoing, many incestuous couples resulting from GSA are quick to paint themselves as the helpless victims of a scientific force. "Don't blame me." They seem to be saying. "Incest is horrible, disgusting, wrong, dirty, and vile, but I didn't choose this, it just happened to me! So please, even though I would never be this way if I could help it, accept me and my horrid relationship." No wonder incest hasn't made much progress. And inevitably, we reach the bottom of the heap- the non-GSA incestuous couples who offer up no justification, no rationalization- just their forlorn pleas of "But we love each other."

I'm just so tired of hypocrisy and seeing the victims of one sort of misunderstood love- be it interracial, inter-generational, between different socioeconomic classes, same-sex, or even incestuous- perpetuating hate towards another. It might sound cheesy to say it- heck, it feels cheesy to say it- but there's so little love in the world. If the two people who find it happen to be related, I couldn't be any happier for them. The law is meant to protect people, not hurt them. So why is it keeping consenting adults in love from one another?

The World's First Gay Porn Sitcom

2009-01-28T02:55:00.001-08:00

I think I'm in love. With gay porn sitcoms, that is! I'll tell you all about it after the jump.

Really, as I compulsively watch the previews and just drool over the website, I'm starting to realize that Dirty Tricks TV is exactly what I've been missing all my life. I mean, I love sitcoms and humor (I'd be willing to wager that 95% of my television viewing comes with canned laughter or a live studio audience). I also really, really love gay porn. Yet I never thought to combine the two.

Thank goodness the guys behind The Sword were more creative and ambitious than me! Now they can boast that they have "the world's first gay porn sitcom!", and I must agree. I've never seen anything like it. It's not that humor is absent in the porn world (please, sitcom spoofs are the hottest commodity since "Not The Brady's"!), but a movie is simply quite different from a sitcom. Recurring characters! Funny set-ups that don't have to last an entire hour! A constant stream of "guest stars" for variety!

I have yet to watch an entire episode to see how they blend the porn with the not-porn, but taken separately, the two both seem stellar- the sex is hot, the not-sex looks funny as hell. Oh, and there's Crazy James of "Big Brother" fame, even though I never watched the show. But apparently people do.

Anyways, I'm totally loving this concept- it's Crash Pad-y in its serial nature, but one-ups it with humor and an attempt at a storyline (not knocking CPS, mind you, since hidden camera format kind of hampers how much story you can realistically mete out). Now I'm just trying to figure out whether the 2-disc 12-episode DVD with over 4 hours of action is worth the $50.00 they're charging for it. Hmm.

Anyways, watch the trailer:

And the outtakes:

Oh, and speaking of porn sitcoms, did you know that Seth Rogen is planning on continuing the porny streak started by "Zack and Miri Make A Porno" with a sitcom on Showtime? It's supposed to be about three twentysomethings who learn about life and love while running a pornography shop. It could be great or it could completely suck. Only time will tell, I guess.

In the meantime I'll stick with Dirty Tricks- a show that can kill two birds with one stone by making me laugh and cum. Hooray!

We Are Animals, We Have Urges

2009-01-27T15:27:00.000-08:00

There are so many reasons why I love Alan Cumming (the accent! that smile! the bisexuality! the activism! the sex appeal, oh god, the sex appeal!), but this new Trojan condom ad is the icing on the cake, another reason to love him. Seriously, any monogamy pledges I make to my partners will necessarily come with an asterisk (*Exempt should Alan Cumming want to fuck me.). And, fantasizing that the commercial is true, who knows? Anyways, enough rambling.

Safe Sex | STI | Contraception | STD

It's sexy and honest, diverse, racial, gender, and sexual orientation-wise, and, yes, it has Alan. Not to mention that it's nice to see someone tackling the abstinence-message head-on; there's no apology for the sex, but a proud love of it.

Bravo, Trojan and Alan!

Holy Shit

2009-01-25T23:41:00.000-08:00

This is not a picture blog, but damn.

Allow me to introduce Veronica Vanoza, Czech hottie. Unfortunately the bald and short hair thing was short-lived and she returned to the land of long hair and porny makeup. :(

Conscientious Porn

2009-01-09T03:34:00.000-08:00

For once, I'm not talking about company ethics, treatment of models, or safe sex procedures . . . no, the conscientiousness that I'm talking about is in the content of the porn.

I was quite surprised by this video ("Solutions To Road Rage") today:

Most fantastic, is it not? I find it highly amusing how well our dedicated punisher keeps up his role throughout the spanking (lest we, or the perp, forget what he did to deserve it or not learn his lesson!). And the beginning tale about the woman and her child who died was actually quite a serious matter- especially in gay porn.

So much BDSM porn is full of "bad boys" and "bad girls" who "need to be punished", but their crimes are never listed. Or it's often really silly things for temperamental dommes to get angry about- being caught sniffing her panties, say, or being too cocky. And even then, it seems to be more of an excuse to get to punishing and sex than anything else, quickly forgotten.

Is "Solutions To Road Rage" the beginning of a new trend in BDSM porn? Will we get to see some real pain (and redemptive pleasure) given to those who truly deserve it? My mind is dizzy with the prospects: litterbugs pelted with garbage while tied up by a highway patrol cop, EPA dommes drilling the ass of the man in charge of the environmentally irresponsible oil drillers, vandals and taggers branded, marked up and paraded around publicly on leashes covered in humiliating Sharpie messages, arsonists subjected to fire play, puppy play for animal abusers, and more creative punishments for offenders committing misdemeanors.

It's certainly got to be better than one of the latest summaries from Guys Get Fucked:

George was hitting on his girlfriend Betsy's friends and it didn't take long to get back to her. When she heard that he's a lying cheat, Betsy wanted to kick him out on the street, but her friend Vanessa had a kinky idea. She brought over her dildos and when George came home she gave him a strip tease. He thought he was going to fuck them both, but he soon realized those dildos were meant for his ass!

Really? Cheating is, like, so 2008. Porn featuring punishment for tailgaters, complete with educational lessons about road rage, on the other hand, is rockin' the new year out.

Between The Lines: What Norah Vincent's New Book Really Has To Tell Us

2009-01-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

Never-boring author Norah Vincent has penned a new book that's quite controversial. But its most fascinating revelation seems to be mostly ignored. I'll discuss after the jump.

I remember reading Norah Vincent's book Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey Into Manhood and Back back when it first came out. I was fascinated by the tale. In it, Norah dressed herself in male disguise as Ned and went undercover in a all-male bowling team, reporting on such masculine rituals as visits to the strip club, forays into the dating scene, working a high-pressure sales job, and living in a cloistered monastery (well, okay, so maybe that one isn't a typical male experience, but the rest certainly are). In some ways, her findings felt a little boring and cliche, at least to me (and probably anyone with a basic gender studies background). But it also managed to touch me on another level, as Norah spilled out her guts in a way I've rarely seen in other books. I actually felt concerned for her as I read: her mental anguish at lying to her new friends, having to conceal her real self, took a huge emotional toll. (Note: I still think it's an incredible book for this reason alone- anybody who thinks critical analyses of masculinity or maleness in our culture has to be cold, dry, academic and misandrist would do well to pick it up and be charmed by and worried for Norah and her sympathetic, in-depth portrayals of the men she came to know.) But by far the real hook of the book was less on what she discovered, and more about what she underwent in her sociological experiment.

Now Norah has written a new book, Voluntary Madness: My Year Lost and Found in the Loony Bin, which chronicles what happened after her last book. The book, as the title proclaims, follows her year in the loony bin, but is not quite a memoir: she goes on to compare and contrast her institutionalization at three different facilities and evaluate the entire psychiatric profession, with the help of illustrative tales from her anonymous fellow patients.

Already the book is making waves and garnering tons of criticism, as the reviews and commentary fills up with the stories of upset sufferers of mental illnesses who are angered over Vincent's denunciation of medication, and the somewhat more valid critiques regarding the purity of her intentions and the ethics behind it. I can already see that it will be violently debated in the psychiatric community and by those who do- or choose not to- take medication or seek therapy.

But when I saw that she'd written a new book and read the blurb, my first thought hearkened back to "Self-Made Man" and the mood that permeated its final chapters. Apparently my concern for the author wasn't misplaced at all. And while it's possible that it's included in the book, I have a feeling that was actually caused Norah's depression will be glossed over in an opening explanation, and never returned to again. The gem that I pull out of the entire thing is not about mental illness and psychiatry at all, but in her answer to a question posed in an interview by The Advocate:

Q: What was it about living as a man that pulled your psyche apart at the seams?

A: It was emotionally exhausting to be an impostor, and also an impostor of the opposite sex. That’s what most transsexuals feel before they make the transition. When I started, I’d thought that gender had to do with costumes and haircuts. I didn’t understand that there was some mental component of how you view yourself in terms of gender that’s deeply embedded in your brain and that you can’t just pull that out and not expect trouble. (emphasis mine)

But neither of Vincent's books are treatises on gender and transsexuality; Self-Made Man focuses mostly on her observations and not her internal experiences, and Voluntary Madness focuses on the general dysfunction of the mental health business. Lost in the controversy of each is the compelling tale of how being forced into the wrong gender (whether by birth or so you write a book) can literally make you go insane. At a time when some studies indicate that the rate of attempted suicide for transgender youth is higher than 50%, and when the general public's understanding of transsexuality is vastly misunderstood, it really is a point we can't afford to let be lost. The Advocate, as a GLBTQ magazine, managed to ask this crucial question. But no other news pieces that I've seen, not NPR, not U.S. News, not the Chicago Sun Times, not even the lesbian site AfterEllen.com has thought to follow that angle whatsoever. For them, the only links between her current and last book are their similar style of firsthand account investigative immersion reporting.

In the end, I really would like to read this new book . . . but I'm somewhat sad knowing that nobody [else] will capitalize on the fascinating and affirming phenomenon of a non-trans voice giving credence to the trans movement.

Whaddya Mean, Male Pornstars Like Girl-On-Girl Action?

2009-01-07T02:28:00.000-08:00

I find it quite weird that I'm blogging yet again about Lindsay Lohan, but she's in the news and I find it significant, ergo, here goes.

Apparently over the Christmas break, BBC broadcast a radio show with DJ Spoony and legendary porn star Ron Jeremy, offering up "The Most Annoying People Of 2008" with all sorts of commentary thrown in there. Now it's being accused of being homophobic and sexist.

The heinous words spoken?

From Spoony: "Let the munters and mingers get each other - that's cool because no-one really wants them. But when they're hot and fit and Hollywood superstars, they should be saved for guys."

From Ron: "These two girls are very good-looking. I would love to be in the middle of that: They will do each other, do me, do each other, do me, back and forth. All of a sudden, you do a pop and it is over. The polite thing to do is to pop on both of them. Men are wishing they could be with her and change her mind, thinking 'Yeah, she is a lesbian now because she never met me.'" (I'd also throw in there that Ron said in May of 2008 that he'd like to see Lindsay Lohan's sex tape, and there was no hullabaloo over that).

Granted, Spoony's British slang sounds all homophobicky at first, since I've no idea what a munter or a minger is. Urban Dictionary tells me they are essentially ugly women, not even a reference to unattractive lesbians a la the American "bulldyke" or some such. It's still incredibly offensive, but I have to ask- what do you expect?

Seriously- what the hell do you expect? I can't believe that people are "shocked" by these guys repeating what is blatantly pushed at us from nearly every media source: that lesbianism isn't a real orientation, that lesbian sex is not "real sex" (whatever that means), that women are essentially around for men's pleasure, and that lesbian and bisexual couples are incredibly open to inviting men into their beds and relationships. If all the porn that you see portrays lesbian and bisexual women in such a way, you're going to get a certain mindset. Then you can tell yourself "Nah, it's just porn, that's not real life.", but then the mainstream media tells you pretty much the same thing. These aren't two crass individuals out of touch with society (as, say, Don Imus was). This is a clear and perfect example of how in-touch with a national heterosexual mindset as could possibly be.

And as for Ron Jeremy's "graphic" statements, which for a porn star, show a remarkable restraint in the language!, I'm curious as to how it would go over if a lesbian commentator talked about how she wanted to be in a threesome with the girls and squirt all over both of them. Of course, it'd still be a big issue over indecency, but would gay rights activists be furious about it? Or would they celebrate it? How about if an all-girl radio show lamented the fact that, as we've heard so many times "all the good guys are gay" and "what a waste it is that he's gay" and "smart, handsome guys like that should be saved for us girls!". I might be wrong, but I'm betting there'd be little fanfare over such a statement.

I'm not saying it isn't a little crude. I'm not saying it's respectful and sweet (although, really, when you're calling out "The Most Annoying People Of 2008", the whole thing really isn't that respectful, right?). What I'm saying is that I have pretty much the exact same fantasy as Ron Jeremy, and if I got the chance to put that offer out there on the air waves, you better believe I'd do it in a heartbeat. Why does that make me a delightfully sexually liberated woman, but Ron Jeremy is a "sexist pig"?

Jiz Lee has been writing some very provocative stuff of late addressing that whole well-worn issue of "the male gaze", wherein straight guys fetishize lesbianism, and, according to a legion of old-school feminists, take away queer women's power and exploits them and yada yada yada. Jiz's take on it- that the gender of the people jerking off to you in fact can give you more power- is rather refreshing. I utterly agree, and, moreover, find it pretty damn cool that Ron Jeremy wants to roll in the hay with not just feminine Lindsay but also boyish or even butch Sam. It's a nice confirmation that genderfucky women are sexually attractive (not that we needed Ron Jeremy or any man to tell US that). And this isn't Ron Jeremy pulling strings and making fake G/G porn . . . it's commentary on two real-life women in a relationship. He can't rob them of their power by telling people he imagines three-ways with them.

I was quite interested when I clicked on the headlines, but in the end, this is pretty weak tea. Yes, it's offensive to say that fit and sexy women should be saved for the men. But my jaw's not on the ground at the supposed "blatant homophobia and sexism". I'm still slack-jawed at the idea that people can't see that this is all around them, that there is a pervasive attitude that creates comments like DJ Spoony's in its mildest cases and rape in its most horrific.

But of course this radio broadcast won't be framed like that- because how can you vilify an entire culture? Who would you call out? Gay rights activists will denounce it, lesbians will call Ron Jeremy a pig (but praise Pat Califia for fantasizing about gay men). And we will take our two scapegoats who said what a good deal of men would agree with, and hang them out to dry. Ugh.

I'll end with this: for me the most offensive aspect about the whole thing is the fact that Ron Jeremy would like to have a threesome with two people he agrees are some of "the most annoying people of 2008". Sex with someone whose personality you find completely repulsive is apparently not half as bad as graphically lusting after lesbians.

Pleasurists #11

2009-01-05T09:49:00.000-08:00

Because #1: I'm in it. But also because Pleasurists rocks. I love the idea.

From Scaudon Photodesign

Pleasurists is your round-up of the adult product reviews that came out in the last seven days from bloggers all around the sex blogosphere. Did you miss Pleasurists #10? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #12? Submit it here before Sunday January 11th at 11:59pm PST. Please re-post this list on your own blog if listed.

Want to be part of the Best Sex Toy Reviewers List of 2008?

Nominate your favorite Sex Toy Reviewers! Deadline: January 25th at 11:59pm PST.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Win a Hot New Sex Toy! Deadline: February 1st.

On to the reviews…

Editor’s Pick

Madame Editrix

Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Vibrators

Baby It’s Cold Outside (Power Breeze Clit Bullet) by Sleeping Dreamer

Laya Spot by Erin Leone

Ophoria Bliss No. 12 by Holden

Mini Meany by The Hot Movies For Her Sex Toy Crew

Clitoral Pump by California Exotics by Jezebelle

We-Vibe by Lucy Vonne

Sweet Chocolate by Eliot Bodem

Ophoria Bliss No. 12 by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Lucid Dream Vibrating Butt Plug by Brigid Night

Ophoria Bliss No. 12 by Urban Gypsy

Discretion Bullet by Dangerous Lilly

Catalina Loves Gigi by Catalina Loves

Panty Tickler by Phaedra Fallen

Dildos

Pure Wand by Ansley Agnello

Anal Toys

Fun Factory Bootie by Sexorcism

Peridise! by Panthera Pardus

Tantus Lil’ Flirt by Beautiful Dreamer

NJoy Pure Plug by Alisia

Toys for Boys

One for the Men - The Fleshlight by hedonisticbitch

Sex Kits

Shunga Carnal Pleasures Collection by Beautiful Dreamer

Lube/Massage Oil/Bath Stuff

Jimmyjane Afterglow Candle by Beautiful Dreamer

Afterglow Candle by Essin’ Em

Kama Sutra Oil of Love by Betty Rocket

Babeland Entice Lube by Radical Vixen

BDSM/Fetish

Celebrating New Year’s With New Toys (The Super Strap Super Sheet) by Luna Orignaux

Zeus Electrogasm by Gwen

Under the Bed Restraints by Nadia West

Crocodile Clamps by Nadia West

Kinklab Vampire Gloves by Essin’ Em

Red Acrylic Cane by Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek

Ball Gag by Alisia

Kinklab Piercing Forceps by Alpine Subdreams

Basic Leather Flogger by Shasta Gibson

Leather Paddle by Sinclair Sexsmith

Adult Books/Games

Five Minute Erotica by Adriana

J is for Jealousy by The Porn Librarian

The Pleasure’s All Mine by Sinclair Sexsmith

Adult Movies/Porn

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to the G-Spot by J.D. Bauchery

Girls with Desire by The Porn Librarian

Return of Johnny Wadd by The Porn Librarian

CrashPadSeries.Com by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

The Black Glove by Domina Doll

Toy Storage

FYN Big Foot by Ansley Agnello

FYN Big Foot Case by Beautiful Dreamer

Big Foot Case FYN Review by Thursday’s Child

XL Adult Toybox by Dangerous Lilly

What’s in My Bag? (Big Foot FYN Case) by Bad Bad Girl

Just In Case by Phaedra Fallen

Miscellaneous

LELO Luna Beads by Sienna

Top Five Tuesday: Our Favorites of 2008! by J.D. Bauchery & The Porn Librarian

La Luna (Beads, that is) by Panthera Pardus

Nipple Erector Set by Alpine Subdreams

Luna Beads by Domina Doll on Viviane’s Sex Carnival

Dominatrix Bag from FYN by Domina Doll

Toy Reivew: Zeus Electrogasm

2009-01-02T00:39:00.000-08:00

Erotic electrostimulation is classified as extreme, fetish, or, in BDSM terminology, edgeplay. And the majority of porn tends to portray it as just that: websites like Electricity Play and Wired Pussy are BDSM-oriented in nature, emphasizing the pain and torture aspect of electricity. But there is a softer side to electroplay, and that was what I was after when I ordered the Zeus Electrogasm from Extreme Restraints. Different in its small, self-contained, standalone design (most e-stim toys' pads or dildos are attached by wires to an external power source) and sold for only $39.95, the Zeus Electrogasm was simply too good an offer to pass up, particularly since most other equipment goes for $200 or more and looks like it requires a good deal of expertise to use properly. I was far too curious about pleasurable female e-stim to not buy it. While material depicting or describing men enjoying erotic, non-BDSM e-stim is incredibly prevalent, it's fairly impossible to find its female corollary. So, trying to put ideas of electrocution out of my head, I went ahead with my order to put it to the test and provide a female perspective on erotic electricity.

(It would seem I'm not alone, either: Extreme Restraints generously offered up five Zeus Electrogasms for Fetlife's Kinky Christmas Stocking Giveaway. A good deal of the current 290 Google search results for the product are clearly part of the list of stocking goodies.)

The toy comes complete with two tab batteries (one for the toy and one replacement) and fairly simple and comprehensive instructions. The toy can be used anywhere on the body below the waist (e-stim above the waist is possible, but very dangerous and not advised, considering a shock to the heart could result in cardiac arrest). It's unisex, and although all pictures feature the Electrogasm on the pussy or asshole, presumably the butterfly wings could be wrapped around a cock just as easily. There are three buttons: "ON", which turns the toy on as well as increases the intensity one level each time it is pressed, "OFF", which decreases the intensity one level each time it is pressed until it is off, and "MODE", which switches the modes and patterns of stimulation. Even though there are four lights on the toy, there are in fact six modes or patterns of stimulation. The Extreme Restraints website, oddly enough, lists only five- tapping, rhythmical kneading ("like a massage", deep kneading ("like being sexually fucked from within"), pressing, and continuous press. There is indeed tapping in the first setting. The second setting is a short burst of buzzing. The third (which lights up both the #1 and #2 buttons) is a longer burst of buzzing that crescendos in intensity slightly. The fourth setting (which lights up the #3 button), is a mixture of various modes, shifting between all those described. The fifth setting (which lights up the #4 button) is essentially the same as the fourth setting, except that every sensation lasts a little longer before switching. And the last setting (which lights up the #3 and #4 buttons) is a continuous buzz that doesn't stop or change in intensity. While there's nice variety of sensations, massages or getting fucked from within simply aren't a part of them. If the electrodes (i.e. the wings) were farther apart, it might feel more like a massage, but that isn't the case. And the internal fucking is more of a result you get from using electrified insertable toys. The Extreme Restraints website says there are five levels of intensity, while the Zeus Electrosex website says there are ten; although I couldn't test it directly (as explained below), it does have ten levels. The toy automatically shuts off after fifteen minutes, which can be a little disconcerting while in mid-use. But when you turn it on, it automatically goes back to the last mode you had it on (though it always begins at the lowest intensity). And in a very nice addition, the toy doesn't automatically start up when you press the "ON" button; you can change the mode before electricity actually starts transmitting, just in case you don't want to have to feel whatever it was last set to. A second press of "ON" will have you happily buzzing away.

And here is a quick demonstration of the remote-controlled version of the toy, from the Zeus website itself. Though they mention the silence, it should be noted that the buzzing at the beginning and end are obviously for effect, and not the sounds of the toy itself.

But what does it feel like? That's the question that most people have, so I'll try to explain it as best I can. Though the buzzing is comparable to the sort of vibration you can find in many other sex toys, I will say that it is different enough to warrant trying it out. In some ways it feels less like something buzzing on your skin, and more like your skin itself is vibrating (which, technically, it is!). The higher the intensity, the less vibrator-like the feeling becomes and more, I suppose, like electricity, where you can feel an almost pulling or pinching going on. In addition, the feeling in the tapping mode is one you just can't get anywhere else; I know of no toys that can provide it. Since this is my first e-stim toy, I can't help in comparing it to other models in terms of intensity. I will say, however, that it surprised me in how strong it was. I never managed to get beyond the fifth level, because it simply was too much for me. (Though let it be known, for the record, that I have a notoriously low pain threshold). The first and second levels were pleasurable for me, and beyond that, it became more painful, or, in the case of the taps, more shocking. In essence, it can feel pleasurable or painful. For people curious about how electroplay feels, the Zeus Electrogasm is cheap enough that you won't feel too bad if it turns out to not be for you. But I have a feeling most people will like e-stim . . . the only question remains how much they'll like it.

Anybody thinking that the electricity will instantly zap them to orgasmic pleasure is probably wrong. It's not that it isn't possible, but there are a couple of things to consider. E-stim novices aren't used to the sensation of electricity (except as something painful and to be feared/avoided). What that means is that while the soft buzzes might feel fun, new, and eminently cool, "erotic" might not be the word used initially to describe it. When I first put it on my pussy and turned it on, I was actually reminded of my first try with a vibrator- it tickled! The feeling was enjoyable, but it never felt like it was going to take me to, or really anywhere near, orgasm, at least not without some additional help. In order to enjoy it erotically, you're going to have to train your body and brain to respond sexually to the sensation. And even, then, you might need another source of stimulation to send you over the top. But don't get me wrong- it is erotic, and it is simulating. After playing around with it for a while, just running through the sensations (i.e. no masturbation, porn, or fantasies), I was surprised to find that I was pretty wet (something that rarely happens to me without direct touch). And when I did finally climax, my orgasm wasn't more intense, but, surprisingly, it did seem to last a little longer than usual. Certainly a plus!

Now, I went ahead and bought the toy with a hefty 8.5 oz. tube of Tens Electrode Gel, since I was understandably put off by my reading up on tales of poor conductivity and burnt, reddened skin and "hot spots" of intense heat at the contact points from not using some sort of electricity-compatible, or, better yet, electricity-enhancing lubrication. The instructions with the toy are mum on whether or not lubrication ought be included, but I'm glad I bought it. Without gel, I could go up to the fifth level; with it, the results were rather astounding. The gel really increased the intensity dramatically. Suddenly the first level felt more like the third. The difference is incredible. This isn't a review for the gel, but I will say that it does its job quite well, increasing conductivity and making sure no electricity goes to waste.

Now, onto the problems:

Unfortunately, the buttons can be somewhat difficult to work. When it's on your thigh (where I initially tested it), it's great- you can see it, work it, and enjoy. Plaster it on your pussy or ass, however, and suddenly you can no longer see the buttons. Considering that accidentally upping the intensity instead of switching modes or turning it down can result in some shocking discomfort or pinching pain, I really don't want to be making that mistake. Throughout my playing, I'd find myself peeling the toy off (while still on) just so I could confidently turn it off or adjust the intensity or mode and then reapply it, or consciously keeping my finger on one of the buttons, so as to not hit the wrong one later. Indeed, the flashing lights on the toy won't do you any good when it's actually on your genitals. The toy could really benefit from making its buttons more raised and pronounced, since it's relatively smooth and hard to tell what's a button by running your fingers over it, even if you do eventually memorize which button is which by its placement. Perhaps dials that turn, clicking at each different mode or intensity, would work better. Or a long plug-in remote attachment. Anything but the ineffective way they've got it working right now, which makes me blindly grope around down near my genitals (or look absolutely ridiculous holding up a handheld mirror to my groin). Prospective purchasers worried about the controls might want to shell out an extra fifty dollars to buy the the remote version, so as to have the remote and controls directly in front of your face (with the added benefit of three more intensity levels and being able to hand it off to let someone else stimulate you from up to 50 feet away).

It's also a little disappointing that there is no sole "OFF" switch; the "OFF" button here functions as a way to decrease intensity. If you happen to hit too high an intensity and want to get the thing to stop completely at once, you're out of luck- you'll have to frantically hit the button several times until it finally turns off, or wildly fling it away from your body. And yet another problem is in the "Shuffle" modes. Though they are the best settings, in my opinion, offering up some variety in sensation so you get that surprise fun "What's coming next?" and no boring or uncomfortable repetition, the problem lies in the intensity. The long pulses always feel more intense than the softer, shorter "taps". You either have to take a break and wait out the less intense moments, or be very ready to turn down the intensity the second it starts another pattern, lest you have an "Ouch!" moment. I'd compare it to having songs of different volumes on the songs on one CD. You're happily listening to it and then out of nowhere comes the ear-splittingly loud song you'd forgotten about. Not good.

And the real obvious detractor is the blockage problem. Whereas separate pads on TENS or EMS units have cables that can be annoying, they can clearly go on either labia, or either side of the asshole, leaving the vagina, clit, or ass clear for other stimulation or penetration. Not so with the Zeus Electrogasm. The same design that makes it so compact and wire-free means that the actual power source might be right in the way of your favorite bits. It won't be a problem if you can get off solely from e-stim, but if you need some touching, vibration, or insertion, good luck- you'll have to either place the Electrogasm in a spot that's not really near the good stuff, or try maneuvering around it. And care should be taken with maneuvering. The slightest shift could turn a pleasant buzz on my pussy into a tight pinching pain at one (but not both) creases of my thighs. It was one of the main reasons I walked around very very carefully while wearing it, lest it go from "Oooh" to "Owww". This could be fixed by placing it higher, so the wings are nowhere near touching the thighs (you can run! jump! rock climb!), but that also obviously changes where you feel the buzz. Even masturbating my clit while wearing the toy lower across my pussy was a little dangerous- knock the toy about a bit and you might find it pinching uncomfortably as described above. Ultimately, it worked best when you're still, lying, kneeling/on all fours, or sitting, which obviously puts a damper on how you can use it. Personally, using the toy over my asshole was probably the best, simply because I set it for a continuous press, stuck it on, laid down, and did my thing. This way it added a layer of pleasurable sensation but stayed out of the way, leaving my pussy completely open for all sorts of masturbatory fun. Similar fun could certainly be had by switching these up and having some anal fun while leaving this on your clit.

NOTE: I cannot stress enough that you should NOT try to adjust the toy while it's turned on. I got a painful little shock trying to do just that, and let me tell you, even though the pain was fleeting and not that bad, it will nevertheless get your adrenaline pumping as you try to fling the thing off, every "Danger: High Voltage" warning sign you've ever seen in your life flashing before your eyes (though I will remind everyone that it's purely psychological; the voltage here is quite low and there's no danger so long as it's used below the waist). As much of a hassle it is, always turn it off, reposition, and turn it back on.

It's up to you to figure out if these cons are deal-breakers. I will mention, once again, that the Zeus Electrogasm is incredibly cheap, a great deal for an electroplay toy. In fact, I believe it is the cheapest toy on the market (that is not an attachment requiring a more expensive power source). It's also incredibly easy to work. Pop in the included battery, place on body, press the "ON" button. There are no annoying and confusing cords and cables; the pads are a part of the toy, so you don't even need to set those up. Unlike most other buzzy toys, it's completely silent, which makes it ideal if, say, you'd like to wear it in public under clothes or simply would like to masturbate noiselessly (so as to not disturb or alert roommates, etc.). And for those who want to use it painfully, it's even better- no neighbors complaining about hearing whacking or spanking. Cheap, quiet, with a new sensation and lots of variety- could you ask for more?

All in all, I can think of a lot of great uses for the toy. It'd most certainly have a place on a BDSM practitioner's shelf, though true pain connoisseurs might snub it, as would those well-versed in BDSM electrostimulation, who prefer the ability to control sensations with their own power boxes. But a dom could certainly have fun springing this on a blindfolded sub, either as soft and pleasurable sensation play or harder pain play that'll keep them guessing ("Vibrator? Wait, no, ahh, ouch, that can't be right!"). It would also provide a lot of fun for use in public- all you need is some loose pants or a skirt to get that special, naughty thrill when you feel something and nobody else knows about it. (I'll say again that for such a purpose, this toy has all others beat, since it will be perfectly silent regardless of how high the setting- no buzzing noise coming from your panties). It's definitely a great toy for foreplay- I've already decided that it'll be a great toy for pairing with reading erotic fiction- just lay back and let it tease and titillate you as the words carry you away to fantasy. If you're careful or just have a high pain threshold (or enjoy pain with your masturbation/sex), it can definitely add delicious layers of sensation to heighten your orgasms. And I'd finally add that it can be a great addition to the toy box of e-stim afficionados, for introducing those who are wary of erotic electricity or scared by the intimidating TENS box and all its wires. For anybody curious about the sensation of electricity, the Zeus Electrogasm is certainly cheap enough that it's worth the purchase.

I enjoyed it, and still think it's a worthwhile purchase. It won't be a favorite, or one present at every masturbatory session, but it will get good mileage in my bed, not to mention being probably the funnest thing to share with a vanilla lover who might be scared off by most fetish and BDSM or bored by the more trite feathers and blindfolds. Common, it ain't, and its uniqueness earns it a big thumbs up from me.

Get It While It's Hot- Free Personalized Erotica!

2008-12-29T11:51:00.000-08:00

Santa Clause-style Gwen is a little late in doling out the presents, but here comes a belated Christmas gift.

After the jump, I'll tell you a little bit more about how you can get some custom erotica made for you, plus an eye-opening list of some pretty custom erotica already out there.

For the poverty-stricken like myself, the closest we can usually get to personalized erotica is if we write it ourselves or go and beg on Literotica. I've always hungered over the professional sites- the quality of writing will undoubtedly be much higher and the action just overall hotter, but the prices always frighten me away.

And then, whaddya know, but the fantastically talented people down at Inky Blue Allusions have decided to graciously write some custom stories, for free. It won't be quite the same as when you pay, of course- the stories get published on the site instead of sent to your e-mail, and the authors aren't obligated to follow your instructions down to a T. But it's still a pretty damn good offer. It's not every day that you can write down your fantasy and get a hot story made just for you. All you need to do is fill out character names, genders, and general storyline on the form here and sit back and wait!

Of course, if you do have that Christmas bonus burning a hole in your pocket, you're more than welcome to support some of the various custom erotica writers: Custom Erotica Source, Velvet Diary, Literate Smut, Frisky Fiction, Custom Erotica Fantasies, Under The Crimson Moon, Alena (whose stories are all about you and her), Lady Mika's Menagerie, and Kustom Erotica. Heck, you can even get custom audio erotica from Sensual Words.

I will remind you, though, that if you've got a particular kink, fetish, or theme in your head, it may well already be out there. By no means completely representative of all the professionally published erotica out there, here's a little list I compiled a while ago, just to show how specific some of these anthologies can get:

Sex Acts/Body Part Fetishes Erotica

Anal: "Luscious: Stories of Anal Eroticism" by Alison Tyler
Feet: "Sexiest Soles: Erotic Stories About Feet and Shoes" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Frottage: "Cocktocock Stories, Vol. 1" by Martin Finn
Men's Butts: "Buttmen: Erotic Stories and True Confessions by Gay Men Who Love Booty: 32 Stories, 1 Obsession" by Alan Bell
Men's Feet: "Love Under Foot: An Erotic Celebration of Feet"
Spanking: "Naughty Spanking Stories From A-Z" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Threesomes: "Three-Way: Erotic Stories" by Alison Tyler

Lesbian Erotica

African-American: "Speaking in Whispers: Lesbian African-American Erotica"
Bikers: "Hard Road, Easy Riding: Lesbian Biker Erotica" by Sacchi Green
Bondage: "Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica" by Tristan Taormino
Butch-Butch: "Set In Stone: Butch-Butch Erotica" by Angela Brown
Butch-Femme: "Back To Basics: A Butch/Femme Anthology" by Therese Syzmanski
Christmas: "Dyke The Halls: Lesbian Erotic Christmas Tales" by Linda Alverez
Cowgirls: "Rode Hard, Put Away Wet: Lesbian Cowboy Erotica"
Femme-Femme: "Glamour Girls: Femme/Femme Erotica" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Jewish: "Friday the Rabbi Wore Lace: Jewish Lesbian Erotica" by Karen X. Tulchinsky
Magic: "Bell, Book, and Dyke: New Exploits of Magical Lesbians"
S/M: "No Mercy" by Pat Califia
Sports: "Body Check: Erotic Lesbian Sports Stories" by Nicole Foster
Supernatural: "Call of the Dark: Lesbian Tales of the Supernatural" by Therese Syzmanski
Tough Women "Tough Girls: Down and Dirty Dyke Erotica" by Lori Selke
Travel: "Tales of Travelrotica for Lesbians: Erotic Travel Adventures" by Simone Thorne
Vampires: "Dark Angels: Lesbian Vampire Erotica" by Pam Keesey

Gay Male Erotica

Asian: "Best Gay Asian Erotica" by Joel Barraquiel Tan
Barely Legal: "Barely Legal: A New Collection of Erotic Tales" by John Butler
Baseball: "Fast Balls: Erotic Tales of America's Favorite Pastime" by Jesse Grant
Bears: "Tales From The Bear Cult: Bearotica for Your Inner Goldilocks" by Mark Hemry
Bondage/S/M: "Roughed Up: More Tales of Gay Men, Sex, and Power" by Simon Sheppard
College Boys: "Dorm Porn: Steamy Tales of Boys On Campus"
Cops: "Hot Cops: Gay Erotic Stories" by Shane Allison
Cowboys: "Cowboys: Gay Erotic Tales" by Tom Graham
Daddy/Boy: "Daddy's Boys: Erotic Short Stories" by Kenneth Harrison
Exhibitionism/Voyeurism: "A View To Thrill: The World of the Voyeur and the Men Who Like To Be Watched" by Paul J. Willis
Musclemen: "Musclesex: A Collection of Erotic Short Stories" by Greg Nero
Pirates: "Treasure Trail: Erotic Tales of Pirates on the High Seas" by Jack Hart
Porn Stars: "Skinflicks: Erotic Tales From Behind the Scenes: An Anthology"
Prostitutes: "Hustlers: Erotic Stories of Sex for Hire"
Soldiers: "A Night In the Barracks: Authentic Accounts of Sex in the Armed Forces" by Alex Buchman
Sporty Men: "Full Body Contact: Sexy, Sweaty Men of Sport" by Greg Herren
Travel: "Between the Palms: A Collection of Gay Travel Erotica"
Truckers: "Truckers: True Gay Erotica" by Johnny Hansen
Twinks: "Twink" by Jack Fritscher
Vampires: "Blood Lust: Gay Erotic Vampire Tales"
Water: "Liquid Delights: Erotic Tales of Wetness" by Jardonn Smith

Bisexual: "The Best of Both Worlds: Bisexual Erotica" by Sage Vivant
Genderqueer: "Genderflex: Sexy Stories on the Edge and In-Between" by Cecilia Tan
Transgender: "Transgender Erotica: Trans Figures" by M. Christian

Themes/Fetishes/Types

Adultery: "Homewrecker: An Adultery Anthology" by Daphne Gottlieb
Aliens: "Off Limits: Tales of Alien Sex" by Ellen Datlow
Anonymous Sex: "Sex With Strangers: Wicked Words"
Big Beautiful Women/Big Handsome Men: "Zaftig: Well Rounded Erotica" by Hanne Blank
Birthdays: "The Happy Birthday Book of Erotica" by Alison Tyler
Bondage: "Secret Slaves: Erotic Stories of Bondage" by Rachel Kramer Bussell
Career Women: "Bosslady" by Justus Roux
Christmas: "The Merry XXXmas Book of Erotica" by Alison Tyler
Crime: "Noirotica: An Anthology of Erotic Crime Stories" by Thomas S. Roche
Cross-Dressing: "Crossdressing: Erotic Stories" by Veronica Vera
Death: "Dying for It: Tales of Sex and Death"
Exotic Locales: "Erogenous Zones: An Anthology of Sex Abroad"
Exhibition and Voyeurism: "Caught Looking: Erotic Tales of Voyeurs and Exhibitionsists"
Fairies: "Fairy Lust: Volume 1: Elvin Erotica" by Melanie Klegerman Fersko
Famous People: "Wicked: Sexy Tales of Legendary Lovers" by Mitzi Szereto
Female Dom/Male Sub: "She's On Top: Erotic Stories of Female Domainance and Male Submission" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Food/Cooking: "Sex in the Kitchen" by Lindsay Gordon
Fuck-Buddies: "Sex Buddies: Erotic Stories About Sex Without Strings"
Ghosts: "The Big Book of Erotic Ghost Stories" by Greg Wharton
Guilt: "Confessions: Admissions of Sexual Guilt"
Halloween: "Scary Shorts for Halloween" by Janet Sanger
Holidays: "Sex On Holiday" by Kerri Sharp
Humor: "As Cupid Cavorts: Three Short Stories of Erotic Humor" by Tom Mitchell
Internet: "Torn Shapes of Desire: Internet Erotica" by Mary Ann Mohanraj
Lingerie" by Rachel Kramer Bussel
Maids: "Maids: An Erotic Anthology"
Male Dom/Female Sub: "He's On Top: Erotic Stories of Male Dominance and Female Submission"
Mature/Elderly: "Ripe Fruit: Erotica for Well-Seasoned Lovers" by Marcy Sheiner
Myths: "Mythic Erotica: The Papyri Goddesses"
Necrophilia: "Necrophilia Variations" by Supervert
Older Women: "The MILF Anthology: Twenty-One Steamy Stories"
Offices: "Sex In The Office" by Kerri Sharp
Restraint: "Slave To Love: Sexy Tales of Erotic Restraint" by Alison Tyler
Rock 'N' Roll: "Backstage Passes: An Anthology of Rock & Roll Erotica from the Pages of Blue Blood Magazine" by Amelia G
S/M: "Things To Come: A Collection of S&M Erotica" by DJ King
Scat: "Divine Filth" by George Bataille
Shopping: "Sex and Shopping" by Lindsay Gordon
Sports: "Sex At The Sports Club" by Kerri Sharp
Strange/Different: "But I Know What You Want: 25 Sex Tales for the Different" by James Williams
Strong Women: "Amazons: Sexy Tales of Strong Women"
Technology "Technosex: Cyber Age Erotica" by Cecilia Tan
Travel: "Foreign Affairs: Erotic Travel Tales" by Mitzi Szereto
Underwear/Lingerie: "Ultimate Undies: Erotic Stories About Underwear and
Uniforms: "Sex In Uniform" by Kerri Sharp
Viagra & Women: "Viagra, Sex, and Romance: The Women Who Take It Reveal Their Erotic Tales" by Elizabeth Myles
Victorian: "Erotic Tales of the Victorian Age" by Bram Stoker
Werewolves: "The Beast Within: Erotic Tales of Werewolves" by Cecilia Tan
Water: "Aqua Erotica: 18 Stories By a Steamy Bath"

Ethnic

African-American: "Black Silk: A Collection of African-American Erotica"
Chinese: "In The Inner Quarters: Erotic Stories from Ling Mengchu's Two Slaps" by Lenny Hu
French: "Ooh La La!: Contemporary French Erotica by Women"
International: "The Erotic Planet: Sexy Stories From Around The Globe" by Jeff Laurent
Italian: "In The Forbidden City: An Anthology of Erotic Fiction by Italian Women"
Jamaican: "Erotic Jamaican Tales" by Sean Harris
Jewish: "The Oy of Sex: Jewish Women Write Erotica" by Marcy Sheiner
Latina: "Pleasure In the World: Erotic Writings by Latin American Women"
Latino: "Under The Pomegranate Tree: The Best New Latino Erotica" by Ray Gonzalez
Mediterranean: "Erotic Stories from the Portugese" by Manuel Teixeira-Gomes
Native American: "Without Reservation: Indigenous Erotica" by Kateri Akiwenzie-Damm
Russian: "Stories from the Folklore of Russia: Erotic Tales of the Cossacks"
South-East Asia: "Best of Singapore Erotica" by L.Q. Pan

HOT LESBIAN ORAL ACTION

2008-12-28T16:27:00.000-08:00

Because 1) I'm feeling silly, 2) they're cute as hell, and 3) I've just realized I wouldn't have a mouth full of silver fillings if I had a girlfriend who would brush her teeth with me, kisses included.

Dick Singalong

2008-12-27T22:23:00.000-08:00

And now here's the boys' turn, with some phallic musicality.

1) The wonderful "Penis Song" from "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life".

2) Hilarious country singer-comedian Rodney Carrington just won me over with his "Dear Penis":

3) From the same Da Vinci's Notebook who sang the lovely song about Internet porn, here's an equally hilarious and joyful tribute to well-endowed men in "Enormous Penis" . . . although let's remember that you can still be happy if you're average!

4) Case in point: lukaduka sings about wishing they had a smaller penis in "The Penis Song".

5) Mickey Avalon and DJ Kris P.'s "My Dick"- a repetitive, silly song that nonetheless is completely addictive.

6) "The Sweetest Thing" bored me in every part except the silly looks-like-she's-going-down-in-the-car scene, but "The Penis Song" is pretty remarkable in its own way.

7) Here comes the rude dude, Jonathan Fin's "Ten Inch Cock":

8) Because I still love "Fight Club" so much (whose writer has a new set-in-the-porn-world book out), and I want to jump Edward Norton's bones almost as much as Helena Bonham Carter's, here's his and Brad Pitt's tribute to that ol' goddess of love, the penis.

9) "The Penis Song" by Stoned Laughter. Although it's more of a video saga than a song, it's still pretty awesome. Especially the video.

10) Who says dick songs only have to be sung by those with dicks? Here's a very funny 'if I had a penis' song "Penis Envy" by Uncle Bonsai.

Screw The AVN . . .

2008-12-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

I'm far more interested in the upcoming Tranny Awards.

I mean, sure, the AVN is incredible, what with its 100 categories . . . but they only offer one trans award- Transsexual Performer Of The Year. Ahem, excuse me, but are you serious?

I've been spending a lot of time lately on the Hung Angels Board, and there is some serious lacking in trans porn, from repetitive male performers (no more Christian XXX!), a lack of specialization or fetishes, and stereotypical pitfalls (if you're a transwoman interested in BDSM, you better be a top, because T-girls being bound and lovingly tortured is almost impossible to find). And that's not even beginning to address the other, unspoken problems in porn- the way that, for instance, many genetic female porn stars refuse to work with TS performers or men who have been with TS performers, for unsubstantiated fears of disease. In short, the "shemale" or "tranny" porn genre is riddled with stereotypes and is really one-dimensional, missing out on the creativity and diversity that marks more mainstream porn.

Just like the paltry gay awards given at the AVN weren't enough, and it spawned its own GAYVN Awards, I'm excited about the Tranny Awards. I'm a firm believer in incentives, and what could inspire better trans porn than cash prizes totaling over $10,000, plus the fame and recognition that comes with being an award winner? The Feminist Porn Awards has brought a lot of cool flicks, performers, and filmmakers to my attention. I'm looking forward to the same happening with the Tranny Awards.

Of course, this is the first year and, as it stands now, the Tranny Awards isn't a real, tangible event that you can dress up (or undress down, rather) for . . . yet. It is online only now, but "depending on the demand and popularity of the award, we may consider future awards to be held at a live venue." I can only hope! (And we can only hope that it shows itself to be honest and forthright, not a scam like what Erika Lust experienced).

But seriously. Despite being hosted by the ever-cool Belladonna (who, and I just have to sneak this in here, OMG might be working with Jiz Lee!), the idea of the AVN just kind of bores me. But the Tranny Awards have got me excited. Check back with the website on January 9th to find out the winners, and see if nominee and Crush Object Mandy Mitchell made the cut!

Goodbye, Xtube, Hello Dyketube!

2008-12-27T18:48:00.000-08:00

R.I.P. Queerchick.

Well, then. If you haven't already noticed, Queerchick, a.k.a. yours truly, has been kicked off of my favorite adult social networking and video and image sharing site, Xtube. It happened quite out of the blue, too, almost as if planned: finals were finally over, school was let out, and I was gearing up to devote all of this free time to participating more. I adore the site, as I hope is obvious from my various posts about it. So I was reasonably upset as I logged in to see small green font proclaiming me "BANNED". No e-mails telling me of my fate. No explanation, and no opportunity for an appeal. Not that I needed an explanation or chance for appeal; I've known from the start that my existence there was gracious oversight. I blatantly disregarded the rules (that, unless I owned the rights to the material, I could only show 20 seconds of it) and uploaded my own videos. I worked off of my own moral code, one not in line with copyright law but respectful of the production companies I so admire. I explained in my profiles that my intentions were promotional in nature; I wanted to show people that real dyke or real trans porn did exist, and to garner more customers and a bigger audience for these porn companies. I gave credit to the source, places where the product could be bought, and always strove to make my videos little more than teasers, not freebies. And as far as I knew, the efforts were appreciated. Pink & White Productions had their own Xtube profile and befriended me, apparently without a problem of my using some of their material. Ian Sparks of Trannywood Pictures not only had no problem with my videos, but left a comment joking about my choice of clips (of his smiling face rather than his ass dripping lube). And yet still I was removed. I'd experienced it before- not with my profile, but with individual videos being taken off Xtube for violations. I contested a few, but ultimately gave up and let it be; I did not re-upload banned videos. Xtube, like other video sharing sites, has such high traffic that it cannot automatically screen uploaded content, and instead it relies on users to voluntarily report violations. Which means, of course, that all it takes it someone to feel I am abusing the system to report me and get me banned. Add in that Xtube is revamping itself, Xtube 2.0, if you will, and I was certainly due to go quite soon.

When I first discovered my banishment, I immediately started up a new profile, started uploading my videos and requesting all my old friends. Yes, I was pissed and saddened that all of my carefully accumulated favorite images and videos had been wiped away, and my friends, but I would rebuild, better, stronger, faster. Except that . . . half a day later, I was banned yet again. I determined from that moment on to not waste my time and energy creating new profiles only to be torn down. I didn't want to disappoint my many fans, and I knew they weren't to blame, but Xtube was, and is, no longer a viable option for this queer chick.

But now that I'm gone, I feel a little emptiness. So I went out searching for a new site, and I think I've found one that fits most of my criteria. I don't just want to put my videos on any site, like Redtube.com or Megaporn.com, not only because you usually have to have a premium membership to upload content, but also because they rarely have resources with which to talk extensively about yourself and network. I want my porn to have a context, a purpose, and I want to communicate what I'm all about, along with making sure it is part of promoting queer indie porn. And the site that I've come to is Dyke Tube.

Dyke Tube does have some pitfalls. Not only is it much smaller and with less traffic and far less user interaction than Xtube, but it is also very restrictive in terms of content. It is meant to feature only women and lesbian content- no men and no man junk, in other words. But it goes even further than that- "Outlying fetishes, while respected, are not permitted here. These fetishes include grossly obese women, overly mature women, transgendered materials, urination/defecation fantasies, etc.". I still don't know exactly what the weight cut-off is . . . would the gorgeous zaftig April Flores be welcome? What is "grossly obese"? And forget it if you're a lesbian of 50 . . . you are far too old for Dyke Tube. Sigh.

But the site still seems like a good basic premise, and it's my new home, for now, at least. I'll be uploading my videos, expanding my profile, and getting to work on spreading the word and turning Dyke Tube into what it seems to want to be- a place "where the girls cum". So get a profile, get active on the forums, and add me as a friend. See you there!

When Girs Will Be Boys

2008-12-26T20:48:00.000-08:00

As Afterellen.com reported last month, Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed, of Twilight fame, are going to be starring together yet again in 2009, this time not as snooty vampire and human vampire wannabe/love interest, but rather as- and please, prepare yourselves-dudes.

It's kind of news, I guess, since Shakespeare's name isn't anywhere near it. The girls aren't just dressing up as boys, Amanda Bynes in She's The Man-style, but they'll be playing male characters. And, given the incredibly hype about Twilight and these two new(ish) actresses, a lot of people are scratching their heads in confusion. K-11's mysterious plot (is it comedy? drama? dramedy?) doesn't offer any more clues: the girls will be gay inmates, separated from the general prison population, in a Los Angeles jail. Stewart's set to play young, and presumably more innocent, in comparison with Reed's character, a 30-year old tatted-up meth addict. No mention if they'll be playing lovers.

I think it's pretty cool. A couple of years ago I wrote this Myspace blog about how cool cross-gender casting is. Not only does it directly engage my love of drag, cross-dressing, and genderqueerness, but it also strikes me as much more egalitarian and equal opportunity than our current policy that reinforces the belief that gender is so biologically essential that it can't be performed believably by someone of the opposite sex. I do wonder, of course, if that was the reason for the casting was truly "They would make the best gay prison inmates, I know it!", or if it's meant to be gimmicky, a way to catch viewers by throwing out two big names and the expected freakishness of girls playing boys. I guess time will tell, although I am rather excited about the movie itself.

But this blog is a little look into the past. Stewart and Reed are not the first to be cast as men, not by a long shot. So let's take a look at those who came before:

Film: Ein Mann wie EVA

Actress: Eva Mattes

Character: EVA (Rainer Werner Fassbinder)

The 1984 film Ein Mann wie EVA chronicles but one crazy filming in the career of the legendary German director/screenwriter Rainer Werner Fassbinder, the man whose avant-garde work epitomized New German Cinema and whose turbulent life spawned seven documentaries (not counting this biopic).

Of course, this is all rather unimportant- what we want to focus on is who ended up playing Fassbinder (a.k.a. EVA). The role went to Eva Mattes, who played in many of Rainer's films. Perhaps this is the rationale for the choice in casting- letting someone close to him portray him on-screen. Perhaps it was simply the most avant-garde choice for an avant-garde director.

Whatever the reason, she donned Rainer's trademark black leather jacket, battered hat, dark glasses, scruffy face, and "perennial scowl", and played the hell out of him. Of course, the cross-gender casting is not only old and foreign, but also with some pretty obscure subject matter, it didn't get much press or acclaim in the U.S.. Indie films have the luxury of making such fun and interesting choices, but that unfortunately doesn't exactly leave anybody with new impressions about the feasibility of cross-gender casting.

Film: Hook

Actress: Glenn Close

Character: Gutless The Pirate

I can think of no logical explanation for the appearance of Glenn Close in serious disguise (i.e. not just a man, but an older, heavily bearded pirate man) for less than five minutes' time in the movie. For those who never got to experience the whimsical Robin William's flick ("Ru-fi-o!"), Gutless the pirate appears as a random pirate and then begs and pleads a little bit (apparently as testament to that gutlessness) for not being tossed into a chest full of crabs (I think? or else something that will be quite bite-y). Never appears again. How's that for random?

Maybe Glenn was trying to audition and show off her versatile skills to Disney in an audition for 101 Dalmations. I just don't know. Or maybe it's the name of the character-acting game, wherein actors take the small parts as license to really stretch themselves in fun ways- something that might not be possible as leading or main roles that will be scrutinized and will affect their marketability and the roles and salaries they're offered in the future. Or maybe it's a way to attach yourself to a film that you are really interested in. I mean, let's face it- there aren't many female roles on a pirate ship (at least, not if we're being historically accurate . . . in which case the ladies would at least have been dressedin male disguise, Anne Bonny and Mary Read-style). So who knows why Glenn decided to put on a beard and play a guy . . . it's an interesting fact, at the very least.

Film: Angels In America

Actress: Meryl Streep

Character: Old Rabbi

If Glenn Close as Gutless was an example of equal opportunity casting- anybody can play a role-then Meryl Streep's cameo in Angels In America is what I'm going to deem "actor recycling". Streep's main role was as Ethel Rosenberg, but alongside that, she also got to play the small role of a very, very wizened rabbi right in the beginning.

So what could possibly be the rationale here? Meryl's got plenty of screen time for all those Golden Globe awards. I presume that old, wrinkled, liver-spotted actors are not that hard to come by. We might say it was an attempt at stretching one's resources- using the same actors and actresses for multiple roles as a way to save money and time- but I have a feeling that all the makeup artistry at work here would take much more time and more helpers and equipment to get her looking like that than simply hiring an old guy. So we'll chalk it up to, perhaps, the designated actor not showing up and Meryl being the only one around. Or maybe a joke. Or her desire to, as I mentioned above, try something she probably wouldn't get to do otherwise. All I can say is, it's quite a transformation.

Film: The Year Of Living Dangerously

Actress: Linda Hunt

Character: Billy Kwan

One of the cooler examples of women portraying male characters on-screen comes from Peter Weir's 1982 film The Year Of Living Dangerously, adapted from the fiction novel of the same name. Linda plays one of the major characters. And, most awesome is the lack of crazy makeup effects to turn Linda male; she's not hidden away under a mountain of fake facial hair that seems to question why they would have cast a woman in the first place.

I'm not saying that all women cast as men must be masculine . . . certainly not. I've seen some spectacular drag kings who are quite femme in real life- and they don't need slabs of makeup and prosthetics to achieve it. But Linda looks the part, easily, and moreover, her casting seems genuine: according to Weir, he had great difficulty finding someone appropriate for the role of Billy Kwan and, unable to recreate the character in his film, he wanted to find a way of equaling the originality of the character, accomplished by casting Linda Hunt in the role. And, even cooler is that she got some recognition, winning an Oscar for the role. I've still yet to find another similar situation- where a woman was cast as a main character in a fictional story.

Film: Hedwig and the Angry Inch

Actress: Miriam Shor

Character: Yitzhak

One of my favorite movies of all time, Hedwig and the Angry Inch, has quite a lot of gender-bending going on with its main character (the incredible John Cameron Mitchell as Hedwig, of course), but second favorite is Miriam Shor as Hedwig's self-proclaimed "man Friday", Yitzhak. I watched the movie half a dozen times without realizing that the character was played by a woman, and even now, it amazes me- her acting is spot-on.

The rationale for casting Shor is probably two-fold. On one hand, it certainly is in line with the film's theme of gender queering and ambiguity. (Although I do not, as I have heard discussed, proscribe to the theory that Yitzhak is in fact female and in drag, either voluntarily for Hedwig's sake or forced by her). But the main reason is practical: it's mostly women who can hit those beautiful high notes in Stephen Trask's music. Miriam also starred in the stage production for that exact reason, and the transfer over to film caused no problems. Even now, this portrayal is visually one of my favorites- where good acting and some facial hair create a great effect (and also a testament to how women do not need bald caps or male wigs to transform themselves, and can keep their long hair and still look male).

Film: I'm Not There

Actress: Cate Blanchett

Character: Jude a.k.a. Bob Dylan

And finally we come to the most recent of cross-gender casting, with Cate Blanchett playing Jude, the 60's incarnation of Bob Dylan in Todd Haynes' 2007 film I'm Not There. She won several awards for the portrayal, and it was indeed pretty hyped up (to the point where some people think it overshadowed the wonderful performances of guys cast to cover the other various incarnations of Dylan). But it is still quite remarkable that a woman was chosen amongst many men to hold her own- not the main actor, but one of many.

One of the main reasons for casting Blanchett, of course, is probably just plain looks. Any casting director with a good eye can see that her face lends itself well to masculinity and especially androgyny with the right help, and moreover, she looks a helluva lot like Bob Dylan. But of course it also added a lot of interest to the film- still hot off The Lord Of The Rings and with other good movies only adding to her repertoire- her mention, along with the eye-catching line about her doing a male role- certainly would attract more viewers, particularly of a youthful audience not that into or knowledgeable about Bob Dylan. Add in her strength as an actress, and her willingness (she "viewed it as a challenge"), and there you go. A great example for current times, a call for a more gender-neutral approach to casting.

Is it in Haynes' footsteps, then, that K-11 director Jules Mann-Stewart is doing cross-gender casting? Or was it perhaps the only way she could offer her daughter and daughter's close friend a role in a film about gay men? Or is it all about stirring up some hype? Only time will tell, I suppose. But for anybody who is shocked, I just want to point it out- Kristen Stewart and Nikki Reed and certainly not the first to play men, and hopefully, they won't be the last!

One Cum Smoothie, Cumming Up

2008-12-17T10:21:00.000-08:00

No, no, no, silly dears, get *that* image out of your head and keep reading after the jump.

I, for one, really can't stand the idea of cum consumption that seems to be the fantasy of so many men. It's one thing to take a little bit of your lover's juices down the gullet; it's quite another to drink it from a martini glass, pass it back and forth with my best gal pal, or, for heaven's sake, cook with it. No thanks. I will make an exception for girl cum- I'd gladly gulp at her loins Crash Pad-style- but even then, it's not like I'd store the stuff in my fridge for a refreshing summer drink.

When push comes to shove, I'd rather be looked down on as a spitter- or worse, the "Not in my mouth!" kinda girl- than have to make the same awkward face as when I am forced to eat cauliflower at a dinner party: "Oh, mmm, it's very good." and trying not to gag.

But then I stumbled over Jamie's Jizz Juice Recipe over at Forced Bi Academy (a very nifty and fun website, I might add), and got all kinds of curious. It's not that I haven't heard it before- you can barely Google the words "cum taste" without a mention of pineapple juice. But since I've recently been dabbling in taking tastes after playing with myself, I'm significantly more interested, especially since Jamie's Jizz Juice Recipe is said to be just as successful for the ladies. (It's rather odd how there's widespread joking about fishy taste, and yet the number of online sources devoted to the question and solution are dwarfed by questions about man juice). Plus I always read lists of flavor-enhancing foods, but finally here's a recipe that puts them all together for you. And I loves me some smoothies that don't come with a Jamba Juice price tag. Here's Jamie's concoction, reprinted:

1 cup fresh pineapple
1 cup fresh mango
1 banana
1 cup apple juice
1/4 cup pure cranberry juice
1 500 mg capsule of Fenugreek (open the pill and pour it inside)
1 tsp vanilla extract
1/2 tsp fresh ginger
1/2 tsp nutmeg
2 tbsp of organic maple syrup or honey or stevia

One of my New Year's Resolutions is, like always, to start eating healthier. It always falls through, but maybe what I've been missing is a make-your-excretions-taste-better! impetus. So I'm going to go ahead with a little experiment- one month to see if a good diet and Jamie's magic fruity cocktail, taken twice daily, can result in some sweetness between my thighs. I actually am really excited about it . . . will I notice any difference?

Of course, it's not just about eating the good stuff, but about cutting out the bad. Following this comprehensive list, I'll try to avoid the worst offenders. I'm a little sad that I'll have to say goodbye to alcohol, garlic, and onions. I mean, I can let go of red meat, cheese, and yummy veggies like asparagus and broccoli . . . but garlic and onions? They're my mainstay! There's literally no savory dish that I cook that doesn't at least have some garlic and onions! Woe is me. But cutting out on the alcohol will probably do me good; it's all empty calories anyways.

So if any of my readers want to give it a shot and report back, that'd be pretty cool. C'mon, what have you got to lose? And even if you don't, look for updates from me. I'll show you some pictures of the "cum smoothie" and report on first, second, and third tastes!

"The Crash Pad" Online . . . Finally!

2008-12-16T18:59:00.000-08:00

Now you really have no excuse to not own it. Also, other secret goodies after the jump!

I've always puzzled over the fact that you couldn't get Pink & White Productions' phenomenal debut film "The Crash Pad" online anywhere. Even though Crash Pad Series came to provide the online porn, the actual movie itself was nowhere to be found, not even on sites like Hot Movies For Her, who continue to amaze me with their massive, comprehensive collections of all sorts of obscure porn. I just couldn't figure out why P&W weren't taking advantage of the wider exposure and audience that could be garnered from going online- since so many people nowadays just cannot be bothered with actual tangible product and the ordering and buying and waiting for the shipping . . . why not instant downloads?

Well, it's here! Now, with Kink On Demand's new buy-shoots-by-themselves system, you can also buy other movies, like scenes from "The Crash Pad". Yes, you can watch Shawn fuck that insane cumshot right outta Jiz- just click and buy! (And, lest we forget, you can also see so many Crashpadseries.com visitors there, including Shawn domming on Wired Pussy and kicking ass on Ultimate Surrender, Vai bottoming, Dylan abusing boys, and Princess Donna doing a lil' bit of everything!)

I'll also take this moment to be all promotional-y and tell you about "Champion"- it's out! It's here! Oh . . . wait, you don't remember "Champion", despite all my numerous posts? Then just check out the new, updated website!. We can finally order and buy! And Jiz Lee has all sorts of special codes and secrets to get you it cheaper. Gotta love cheating the system!

But seriously. Porn, people. Buy it. Christmas is coming up, after all!

Some Butchies On The Big Screen

2008-12-16T17:37:00.000-08:00

They're rare, but occasionally you get some unexpected butch yumminess from your local Blockbuster.

So, who's with me? How hot and cute was Kat Dennings in "The House Bunny"? (An underrated movie, by the way- it was funny, despite being formulaic). I am talking, of course, about her in the first half of the movie, before she became quote-unquote "pretty". The makeover pretty much destroyed all of her dykey appeal. In fact, the movie on a whole got a lot more boring once they turned into fembots. At least "Sorority Boys" left the so-called "ugly girls" as is and gave me boys in drag.

(Side note: what the hell was up with her going from short hair to long hair in her makeover? Does that mean she's wearing a wig? And what are they trying to say about femininity and sexiness? Can no woman look hot and/or girly with shorter hair? I mean, I know that the whole movie's concept is pretty stupid- you have to be pretty slutty, looks-obsessed, and dumb to get a boy and be cool!- but really? You're only smoking hot if you have tresses swinging down to your shoulders? Guh. But I digress.)

She was just so cute before- all angry and cynical in her laid-back flannel shirt and adorable hair. Looks like a mini-Shane McCutcheon, the little baby dyke before she grew up. And did she really bite a stupid frat boy on the arm and then grin from ear to ear and preen proudly? Swoon. Her feministy attitude was just icing on the cake. What a delicious unexpected treat! I was drooling.

I haven't been this happy about a butch sighting since Margarita Levieva's yummy boyish Annie Newton in "The Invisible". (Not the best picture . . . or maybe she just made a bigger impression on me in the film, what with all that badass bravado and carrying a knife and being hardcore). Too bad the film left me more than a little bored.

I'm sure I've missed some cuties. Anybody got some more butchies in recent film?

On The [Straight] Edge

2008-12-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

I don't think anybody could call me 'straight edge' (or, symbolically, sXe), that phrase used to describe all them hardcore partying punks who don't drink, smoke, do drugs, have casual sex, and maybe, depending on who you ask, consume caffeine or modern medication. For one thing, I'm probably not really part of the hardcore punk scene. Okay, not at all. And secondly, I really like alcohol. Like, a lot. Yum. Ooh, I think I'll go pour myself a glass of wine and settle in to write this blog!

It's not that I have a problem with people living clean lives. I actually think it rocks, a lot. Alcohol, drugs, and mindless promiscuity all have their hand in creating serious problems in our nation. It can devastate lives. And let's face it- in a world where those are often the norm, people choosing to take the road less travelled is pretty inspiring. I like people who go against the grain. Abstaining in this way is just cool.

So why do I cringe when I hear it? It turns out that I have a lot of beefs with this subculture, and in fact, they have nothing to do with the murmurs that straight edge is a cult, that it's been connected in several cases to violence, arson, and even murder, or the enormous backlash against it, usually to the not-so-eloquent tune of "wussy faggots". Without further ado, a break-down of my criticisms, after the jump.

* "Moderation? What Moderation?"

Straight edge makes a big deal out of the dangers of drug and alcohol consumption as risky, self-damaging actions. Which is good; it needs to be pointed out. People need to bring attention to this phenomenon. Punk identity and the musical scene need to deal with the disturbing trends of blackout drinking and dangerous drug consumption. And therefore straight edge, with its pledge against all this, is great.

Except . . . where is the place for moderation? What ends up happening is that all of those hardcore folks who do engage in dangerous behavior laugh and mock our straight edge kiddies, said straight edge kiddies often get all snooty and self-righteous (though, to their credit, I will note that there's a strong and reassuring trend of straight edgers who stress the very opposite), and like with anything that is avoided completely, if the straight edge kiddies slip, they'll tend to fall hard. In our society, curiosity reigns king, particularly with those taboo things like sex and drugs. And the choices that greet the curious are either complete abstinence or going overboard. I'm not saying that straight edgers are stupid or weak for not engaging moderately in alcohol, drugs, or sex. Please. Some of us are cut out for these vices, and others, for whatever reason, were not made to do moderation. If you have the power to figure out that you can't cut it off at two drinks and therefore decide to abstain, more frickin' power to you. I don't have a problem with the choices the straight edgers make; I have a problem with the fact that the picture painted of the punk landscape by straight edgers is a cliff- you're either on the edge, having fun but safe, or you've crashed and burned by going over. In reality, isn't it far more likely to be a slope? There's the high level spot of pure safety, a little lower down where there may be a danger of slipping if you're not careful, and the bottom. But people who want to engage moderately are not addressed by anybody. Want to know a little bit more about how much alcohol is good for you to have a nice time but not become sick or seriously impair your judgement? What about figuring out how to safely hook up with a stranger, including navigating safe sex and not being robbed, raped, or murdered by a serial killer? What if you want to better understand your own personal limits for doing drugs safely, or not contracting diseases through dirty needles? Too bad. The straight edge movement has nothing for you.

* "At Least I'm Not Some Loser Druggie Slut!"

I've talked about it before in my other blog, "I Smoked Marijuana Once" . . . weed snobs. Or, in this case, snobs against any type of behavior non-sanctioned behavior. I'm getting tired of people's mindless separatism and using others to make themselves feel superior. It used to come from the people mocking those who didn't do drugs, alcohol, or casual sex, throwing names like "nerd" or even the old-fashioned "goody two-shoes". Now, as retaliation, it comes from the other side, as they smirk, brag about their pure, untainted bodies, crticize the mental health and decisions of those who do choose to indulge, and otherwise create this divide. It doesn't even have to be so outright as the above quote. Often, it's this smugness that translates through their words that seem kind on the outside, but have these hidden barbs as the straight edge individual sweetly flashes you a patronizing smile, condescenion dripping. "Of course everyone has the choice to live their lives like they want. It's just that I'd rather live healthy, you know, be a good person." It's just not impressive. You know what will really impress me? When people stop characterizing others in this ridiculously shallow way and stop stroking their egos by creating moralistic divides.

* "C'mon, Don't Be A Dork, Just Don't Do It!"

One term I hear bandied about in promotion of straight edge is "positive peer pressure", which, to me, seems like an oxymoron. It's like "positive racism". Peer pressure is not bad because your peers are egging you on to do bad things. In my mind, at least, peer pressure is bad because it's somebody else pressuring you. It robs you of your individual powers to think, to reason logically, to listen to yourself, to be independent, and to suffer the consequences or enjoy the rewards of your actions (not to mention that it's bad because your so-called friends don't respect your wishes and instead try to impose something on you). But of course the term 'positive peer pressure' is the key word for parents, who heave big sighs of relief and shell out money so that their sons and daughters can wear the sXe sweat shirts and go to the straight edge bands to rock out. I can almost hear them now. Thank God our children have peers who will pressure them to do healthy, safe things! That way, when our children inevitably meet people who are not so healthy and safe, they will be just as malleable to that similar pressure! Yay! Who knew raising kids and lemers was so similar? (Note: my obvious sarcasm may taste bitter to unaccustomed readers).

* "As I was saying, drugs are bad, m'kay. You shouldn't do drugs. If you do them, you are bad. Because drugs are bad, m'kay."

Casual sex, alcohol, and drugs are suddenly, wholely bad. Every time I hear somebody bad-mouthing alcohol, drugs, or sex as some sort of evils, I have to laugh. All three have such long, esteemed histories, not only in our own culture, but in the world. Alcohol has long been hailed as a part of social gatherings. Granted, it doesn't- and shouldn't- have to be imbibed to have a good time. Of course not. But it brings people together, acts as social lube, greasing the wheels of conversation. I have some of my best memories of occasions with alcohol . . . and I'm not talking about the times I've went overboard into stupidity (though those are fun to look back on, too, in a different way). It's a rite of passage, and you find it in all sorts of happy memories- that glass of champagne at your wedding, the buddy-bonding beer at the game, that first ushering into adulthood at 21 (or, more likely, the giddy feel of trespass earlier). And the same goes with casual sex- it's a common and rather natural occurrence in our society, a time-honored tradition. And yet there is still a surprising condemnation of casual sex. First it was the morality crowd, condemning casual sex as immoral, a sin against God. And then, when that wore out, the pscyhologist's side has come in- telling us these casual hookups are either the cause or the symptom of emotional disconnectedness, lack of self-esteem and worth, and self-destruction (in itself a blog I'd like to pen later). Nevermind that there are millions of young men and women who enjoy casual sex without any bad effects, and, in many cases, positive feelings. That doesn't fit in with our preconceptions. Straight edge is just another in the growing list of people who have no room for nuance in their discussions. Sex, drugs, and alcohol are harmful activities. Period. Anyone who does them, even with a great deal of forethought, discussion, and a healthy emotional outlook, are harming themselves. I'm sorry, but I'm just not buying it.

* "It's A Lifestyle, You Know!"

And lastly, the whole thing just feels kind of pathetic and purposeless to me. For those who are in the punk/hardcore scene and aren't straight edge, there is no marker. They do not wear shirts that proclaim that they don't drink, do drugs, or have casual sex. This is a province of the straight edgers, who seem to feel that their choices must be made public. Why does the drug/alcohol-free lifestyle have to be proclaimed at every turn? More importantly, why does it need a label? And, indeed, the fact that there is a label then leads to huge controversies- people fighting over the purity of the straight edge identity, and whether being vegan or getting a tattooo will invalidate your straight edginess. I guess that when I hear about straight edge, it kind of reminds me of those previously-blogged-about g0ys, a separate subculture that puts down and condemns the larger culture from which it branched in order to make its members feel cool and normal. Straight edge is less about the choices of the lifestyle and more about, again, fitting in and getting attention. It feels like banging on your chest and screaming "Look, look how wonderful I am! Look what I'm doing! I'm different! I'm rebellious! Ha ha!". Nothing about straight edge has a message of responsibility and common sense; instead, it's another fad. The minute you start proclaiming yourself straight edge, in my opinion, you've taken a step down, even if you haven't changed a bit of your action.

So that's it. For now, at least. It's been pretty interesting avoiding my final projects to troll around the internet as witness to the fight between the sXE crazies and the druggie crazies. In the end, I suppose it's a fight waged not in the mainstream world, but supposedly in the mosh pits of the punk scene. And yet it calls to me because so many of the pitfalls befall its system as do the mainstream system: nobody wants to think or allow for complexity. Black and white is much simpler, is it not? As is rejecting everyone not like you and justifying it in your mind. Whatever. Time for another glass of wine ;)

We Are NOT A Couple!

2008-12-14T15:56:00.000-08:00

Who's your daddy? Disturbing details after the jump.

My mom's birthday is today. So, happy birthday, momma! (Even though she doesn't read the blog). I shopped for her early- and baked a chocolate cherry devil's food cake- but of course my dad was a procrastinator and dragged me out to go shopping with him. Not too much of a problem, right? I'm soooo not a shopper, and I tire of it quickly, but it has been a while since I've been to the mall.

We decide to go for some champange flukes, as she loves all china and glassware, and had announced this morning that she'd like some champagne to celebrate. So there we are, strolling around the houseware section of Macy's, and ask a question of the older saleslady there. She smiles, ushers us to sit down as she starts investigating on the computer, and then asks "Are you two reigstered here?"

My mind went into such shock that I couldn't even register the question, except for a slow "Nooo." as my dad said "Oh no, that's my daughter."

Yeah. She covered up quickly, only slightly flustered as she talked about some good friends of hers in a May-December relationship, and we moved on, but boy, talk about disturbing. It simultaneously makes me laugh and shudder. I don't even care if it was because she thought I looked old . . . I know that in the wrong light, I don't look like the spring chicken that I am. It's just the idea of it!

And here's the kicker . . . for the rest of the day, it kept haunting me. We go to Carl's Jr. for a burger; and whoa, why does this resemble a date? I've probably been reading too much incest erotica; I can't help it, I love the dynamics of angry fathers punishing their sons and daughters! But applying it to my own life is just very very uncomfortable. No thanks.

So, that was my shocker for the weekend. I certainly hadn't expected to have to tell somebody that me and my dad were not a couple!

Pussy Singalong

2008-12-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

Songs about your kitty kat.

1) Julie Rae's "The Vagina Song":

2) Inspired by Mickey Avalon's "My Dick" (which shall be showcased in a blog about penis songs, of course), Maureen and Angela, along with a bevy of other talented ladies like Margaret Cho, wrote this equally fun and silly "My Puss".

3) I don't take much enjoyment out of hearing Jessy Delfino sing, but her lyrics do make me laugh, with "My Pu55y Is Magic":

4) And ah, yes, the mac daddy of them all- Pig Vomit's (oh, what a band name!) "Vagina Song".

5) Seems like Plain White T's "Hey There Delilah" is ripe for parodies of all kinds, as we saw in the list of sex toys songs. So here is Pyscho Mike's version "Hey There Vagina".

6) The catchiest song about lower lips, ever. "The Labia Song" from the show "Drawn Together".

7) Again, from "Kama Sutra: The Musical", here is a funny little introduction to your love button. What, you've never said the words "Meet My Clitoris"?

8) Oh, those cheeky Brits. Ivor Biggun is back yet again, teasing us with "Pussy".

9) I don't think this song should really count, because, c'mon, it really has no content. But with a title like "Moist Vagina", it can't NOT be on the list.

10) 80's synth pop and some lovely imagery with Sheena Easton's "Sugar Walls".

OMG Blog Redesign!

2008-12-06T01:56:00.000-08:00

You can read about it after the jump, or just use your eyeballs. What do you think? Leave me comments!

Well, maybe you don't think it warrants an "OMG", but if you'd spent as much time navigating the Interwebs and fiddling around as I did, you'd realize that it's frickin' huge.

So I've went in a, shall we say, different direction. The new look is obviously a lot more sophisticated (i.e. it doesn't just look like a blogger template), but it's also perhaps a little less "cheery" and maybe a little more "dramatic" (I can't help it, I love burgundy and gold!). Also new are pictorial links to sites (not yet finished, mind you . . . hey pornographers, long horizontal banners don't fit well into sidebars!), a "Current Crush" feature that'll introduce you to someone who's on my mind and should be on yours, and a big old top header so you know just who exactly is doing the blogging, lol.

So what do you think? Is it better, or worse? (Or do you not even care?)

Also, much, much love must be given to Vin at Blog Doctor, without whose helpful site I'd be very, very lost.

I Forgot I Was A Pervert

2008-12-04T01:06:00.000-08:00

It's late, and my roommate and I are lying in our respective beds, she reading, me wasting time on the Internet (as always, yes?). Out of the blue, Sara (a pseudoynm, of course), asks me if I've ever read a romance novel.

The closest thing that I have would be the massive "Phyllida and the Brotherhood of Philander", which has all the trappings of historical Regency romance except, of course, because I'm reading it, also features a gay-leaning bisexual protagonist and a menage-a-trois theme running through the whole thing. Why would I waste time reading anything else? I decided to mention it anyways, and even threw in there that it was a bit sexy.

I'm still unsure of her reason for wanting to read a romance novel, though she tried to express it to me: she rarely read anything other than murder mysteries, and she felt she'd like to have a romance novel on her shelf, have that experience, I guess you could say. We giggled, I counted off the things I disliked about the cliched romance novels that have Fabio on the cover- the bodice-ripping alpha male, the predictable gender roles (I love butch/femme, of course, but give it to me queer or fetishy!), the awful purple prose. Well, weren't they sexy? She asked. In my opinion, no, they weren't. They might have sex in them, and a good deal more than a lot of other books, but the whole thing was intended to make you sigh and your heart swell with that lovin' feeling. If you wanted sexy, I maintained, it was called erotica. And then we were on the topic of erotica, me clumsily fumbling around trying to act like I don't know pretty much everything about erotica.

More back and forth, I suggested she try some light chick lit, which she promptly rejected when I read some of the titles and their synopses. So I finally said a mental "fuck it" and offered up one of the books in my collection, the previously blogged Amorous Woman. I mean, it was sexy but also romantic and sad and funny, truly a tale of a modern woman. Of course, the first thing my roommate's eyes latched on was the girl in her underwear on the cover, and the emblazoned words "adults only". Eeek.

But why should that be a problem? This girl is no virginal thing. Why, it was only last week that she'd gleefully shown me the new piece of lingerie she'd bought to surprise her boyfriend for his birthday. We'd talked fairly frankly about sex.

And yet I lay there listening to her squeal in shock and disgust, and silently cursed the fact that I'd handed out my secrets. I mean, I guess I've always believed that everyone was secretly pretty pervy. We don't usually talk about it, but everybody masturbates, everyone has some form of erotica, whether it's their fantasies or something more explicit. I keep my kinky stuff to myself; I know enough to not nonchalantly talk about BDSM and genderqueerness. But a little plain ol' vanilla sexin'? C'mon!

So, yes. I've introduced my roommate to erotica, outed myself as a pervert, and I stupidly feel guilty about it. Why can't I just say, all smiley and sassy "Girl, I love me some sex! There ain't nothin' wrong with it, you should give it a try!" and finish with a wink? Why must I stammer and laugh to cover it up?

Huh. I seriously need to remember that not everybody is coming from the same mindset as me. I mean, I've had a long, long time to become acquainted with porn and erotica . . . other people, Sara included, probably needed something gentle, and I offered up hardcore. D'oh!

Blogging For Dummies Me

2008-11-28T19:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I like to think that it's been established that I am just not tech-savvy. I am able to continue thinking that I am solely by the fact that I am surrounded by those who are even more technologically lame than I am- people who blink their eyes in confusion at words like 'server', 'HTML', and 'blogging'. "You're so awesome!", they proclaim as I show them my website or find a solution. And yet, compared to the real experts, I am lamer than lame. I've even chosen the simplest blogging medium, Blogger/Blogspot, made particularly for newbs like moi.

But despite Blogger being pretty easy-to-use (just register and start posting!), any time you want to get the littlest bit sophisticated, you WILL be bombarded with strings of code and talk about CSS and javascript and other words that make me cringe. It took me about a week to figure out how to create expandabe post summaries- you know, that nice feature that shortens my ridiculously long posts to a little sentence with a clickable link to read the rest, because I graciously want to keep my page short, easily navigable, and with short load times. And that was with a lot of help from Internet sources and Googling to try to get it down. Even now problems plague me- you've probably noticed the "Click Here To Read More" link appearing even at the bottom of posts where there is no more to read- but I'm satisfied enough to not tinker with it, lest it all fall apart.

So, having said that, I don't know why I thought I could even attempt Google Analytics. The service is free, provided by Google, and it basically allows you to track who visits your site, when they do, how long they stay, what patterns they follow through your hyperlinks, and how they stumbled upon your site. Sounds pretty cool, right? I'd enviously read someone else's blog about the funny search terms that would lead people to their blogs (and more serious discussions about how Google directs web traffic can always be found at Tony Comstock's blog). And while I suspect most, if not all, of my traffic is the result of Jiz Lee graciously linking me, I still wanted to know for sure.

It might sound like an exercise in vanity, but gosh darnit, I would also like to brag about how people looking for "goat ball sack" get me as a result. And maybe I'd even figure out how to get some better traffic and more visitors (not that I'm obsessed with it . . . I'd write this even if I had no readers, although it'd probably become less about promoting cool sites/stuff and more about whining about my life). So I set about applying it to my blog . . .

. . . and wouldn't you know it- I run into problems. Blogger.com converts the quotations marks in my HTML code into &quote notations. I'm told there is no way around this. I soldier on, find a loophole dealing with javascript and HTML and XML and Google's code and all other sorts of things I barely understand. I'm still told that things are going wrong- tags left floating, something not closed, I'm not sure. Sigh. Why must I always come up against the problems, the bugs, the troubleshooting?

But I triumphed- as I always do, yay!- and finally got it to work. Or rather, got it to say it's working. It will still be another 24-48 hours before I know if the whole shebang is functioning correctly and accurately reporting. But I finally transformed the "Error" message into "Receiving Data", which means Google is at least recognizing the HTML I've put in. Success!

So, because it took me forever to figure it all out, and it was in different places, I want to put up what I did for anybody else to use. Hopefully it helps my fellow Luddites.

1) Get your Google Analytics profile and code, as described here.
2) If you follow all the directions and have no problem, well, lucky you. If, however, you click "Save Changes" and the new code has transformed the quotation marks in your template to &quote, and your Google Analytics account says your status is anything other than "Receiving Data", here's what ya gotta do:
3) Go to Blogger.com, a.k.a. your Dashboard.
4) Click "Layout".
5) Click "Add A Gadget"; it can be anywhere, but near the bottom is preferable, for some reason (not that I tried it elsewhere).
6) Choose "HTML/JavaScript".
7) Leave the title blank, and in the text area, copy and paste the following (presuming I've transcribed it correctly):

8) Be sure to change the Blog # (designated by the UA-6495752-1 on mine) to whatever yours happens to be. Otherwise it won't work- it'll be reporting on my blog, not yours!
9) Click "Save", which should close out the small window.
10) Click "Save" on the main page, and check to see if it's working with Google Analytics.

And it if doesn't work, well, what can I say . . . I'm horrible at this stuff! But maybe, just maybe I'll help one person, and that's enough for me.

Oh, and if you want to repost these instructions, or better ones you've found elsewhere, remember that all you have to do is replace < with < and > with >. It should all come out right!

So here's to hoping I'll be reporting back to you with all sorts of info from Google Analytics!

Oh, and you might have noticed some new "Digg" buttons at the bottom of my posts. Yeah, I'm trying it out. I'm still not sure if Digg is cool or has gone the way of the dodo, to be replaced by stuff like Stumbleupon or Reddit. I'm just not up-to-date on this stuff. But there it is. If you use it, and like what I've written, please, click away. Otherwise, ignore it. I won't be offended, I swear!

100th Post: A Look Back (and Forward)

2008-11-25T19:27:00.000-08:00

Well, here it's finally come . . . my 100th post! And I have no idea what I could write that would befit the occasion.

Ever since I started this blog in March (gosh, has it only been nine months?), I've reviewed books and toys and porn, compiled various lists, informed you to nice offers, filled heads with countless dirty ditties, asked questions to which I have no answers, ~~whined about~~ made suggestions for porn, done some detective sleuthing, discussed my personal life, encouraged activism for important causes, alerted you to some really cool sites, discussed porny news, offered my commentary, and, of course, made some LOLporn (by far my most linked blog ever, by the way).

I've strived to write posts that are not, as a creative writing teacher once described it, literary masturbation (his words: "It's fun and you like doing it, and people who love you might appreciate it, but everyone else just kind of thinks it's boring and maybe a little gross"). Although I've said before that I'd keep writing with or without an audience, the fact that people appear to be reading my blog means I want to offer something. Things could change, but I know that, at least in the near future, I won't be the kind of blog to break news (I'll leave that to AVN) or feature interviews and the like. Reposting links always feels like blatant stealing from other, better and more well-trafficked blogs. I don't want to say the obvious ("Oh, homophobia sucks." or "Censorship of free speech is a problem!"). I want, in other words, to offer something that can't be found elsewhere, uniquely me, and worth somebody's time. I don't know if I've done a good job of sticking to these principles, but it continues to be my goal.

Arianna Huffington was on The Daily Show a couple of nights ago, and she and Jon Stewart clashed [in a friendly manner, of course] about blogs, and I have to say that her words somewhat revitalized me for a new year and another round of a hundred blogs. Whether I'm blogging about cheese (oh, Arianna, I love cheese, too!), politics, or sex, I feel it's important and rewarding for me. I'm putting the video here so that you can see it (and also because I have a major girl crush on Arianna).

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Arianna Huffington

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

So look forward to more posts, hopefully a bit more in-depth and maybe even a bit more personal, as I'll have a bunch more time not taken up by school to pursue dating, sex, activism, and all that fun stuff. And maybe even delving into technical upgrades, yikes!

All You Will Get Is Fake Peen

2008-11-25T02:14:00.001-08:00

It's not that I'm dying to see flaccid penises on the big screen, you understand. I like 'em fine enough, but 1) if it's a porn, I'm going to expect to see it get hard, 2) if it's a mainstream film, I'm going to expect it to be either very brief and thus unimportant or unnecessary and distracting from the plot, or 3) if I'm hunting for celebrity masturbatory fodder, more non-genital nudity would go further than the peen, which I can construct just fine in my mind. So following that logic, I really shouldn't be so upset at the fact that I won't be seeing Sean Penn or James Franco's penises in the upcoming movie "Milk".

And yet I am, and I'll tell you why.

(On a side note, I am sooo excited about "Milk", the biopic about the first openly gay politican Harvey Milk. I have to admit it- I'm not that much a fan of Sean Penn. Others love him, tell me he's great, but I just don't care for his personality. But just watching the preview, I'm super-stoked, not only because it looks tremendously well-made, but because I really think it has the potential to rally people. Think about it- angry GLBTQ folks fresh off of being denied marriage + a moving portrayal of political activism + newly politically mobilized youth = a new revolution. Maybe? I don't know. But I'm still excited.)

Anyways, back on topic. When the two characters shimmy down to nothing, their penises are going to be fake prosthetics, as James Franco told Jimmy Kimmel. The question I have, though, and which doesn't seemed to be addressed in any of the other blogs posting the news, is: "Why?"

The last two big prosthetic penises I remember seeing on-screen belonged to Transamerica's Felicity Huffman and Boogie Night's Mark Walhberg- one for the actress who didn't have one herself, and one for the man needing to portray some hefty porno endowment. Both of these were exceptional cases, ones that I just don't think are present in the case of "Milk". I don't remember hearing any rumor that Milk or his lover were hung like horses, thereby requiring filmmakers to provide historical accuracy by means of plastic genitals.

Mind you, I'm not faulting Penn or Franco. Not only must it be incredibly difficult to expose yourself to millions of strangers, making yourself vulnerable through the removal of protective clothes, but it also opens up the wide and ridiculous arena of penis commentary that is sure to follow. Anybody not swinging an enormous club is immediately subject to intense discussion and criticism- all we have to do is look at what happened to poor Jude Law. One outside changing of clothes and boom! everybody is talking about how small the guy is, despite the fact that he appears more than average to moi. (And I've read countless articles in "defense" of Jude Law's penis- from claims of shrinkage in the pool, a hairy bush hiding and diminishing the goods, all the way to the hydraulics of his crouching stance). Dropping trow is a huge risk to one's career, and if I were an agent, I wouldn't be recommending my male talent to be flopping freely in front of cameras, either. And who wouldn't rather put on a fake and let it take all the heat? Penn and Franco, it turns out, are victims of our size-obsessed culture.

I'm just very tired of penis size being yakked about so much. Even after Enzyte has been sued for its false claims and lack of peer-reviewed evidence (even though c'mon, anybody who bought it was an idiot!), I still have to see Bob's damn smiling face while a cheery announcer tells me all about natural male enhancement. Guys are incredibly worried about their size and national male anxiety increases tenfold. But there's little men can do about penis size without dropping serious cash or risking lumpiness (eek!). It truly is the most ridiculous thing to worry about- it just ain't changing. Best learn to love your penis (why are women encouraged to love their bodies, but men rarely are?), learn to modify your lovemaking skills and tool box if your lady/man says size is causing you to lack, and stop stressing.

But unfortunately, watching "Milk" will make sweat break out on your forehead all over again. You might feel better, having heard Franco regale audiences with his humorous tale, as you remind yourself that they're fake, and even Sean Penn, who bedded the eminently beddable Madonna, worried about his own size. Or not. Nobody seems to be calling out the fake penises for what it says about our culture and our sexual anxieties, and I don't care if it's been talked about to death. Somebody should say it and put it on the table, at the very least.

Until then, though, expect a new trend- Judd Apatow be damned- of the dicks being larger than life, because all you're getting is fake peen.

Ah, well. Go and see "Milk" when it comes out- for the story, instead.

Denied!

2008-11-23T21:57:00.000-08:00

So, in an attempt to ~~get free sex toys~~ help diversify my blog and offer even more to my readers, I was working on becoming a reviwer for Sextoy.com.

All was going well . . . and then I was [politely] told that my blog was not yet established enough. Which led to a very calm response on my part:

Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm not that hard up. I still have my trusty G-Force, after all. And it is warranted; my blog hasn't been around that long, I'm not even 100 posts in, and my readership, while more than I ever expected (thanks, Jiz!), is too small to be profitable.

But it's still kind of demoralizing and sad. Will my blog ever be big enough for companies to want to send me their products for free so I will review them? Do I even want that responsibility? (Yes, yes I do!). Oh well. I'll just keep trucking along and see what happens.

But for right now, all I can say is: DE-NIED!

If They Were Boys

2008-11-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

What's up with all these girls singing hypothetical songs about being guys? It's not that I'm opposed to the gender-bending, but these songs tend to forget all the wonderful things about being boys, or the wonderful things they'd lose about being girls, and instead focus on- what else?- their menfolk cheating and being playas. I'm all for feminist anthems and calling the boys out and pointing out double standards, but I'd like to see us get past this a little bit. With Dar Williams' song being the only exception, the others paint guys as callous cheating jerks, and little more. It's rather insulting, really. Beyonce's new song is being played everywhere, getting stuck in my head (which I hate doubly because CIARA did it first!), and thus this post was born.

* Ciara's "Like A Boy", which gets major props from Ciara's actually butching it up (if the whole superstar thing falls through, she could make a great drag king!) in the video (unfortunately not here, since they all disabled embedding):

* Beyonce's "If I Were A Boy", which is actually a cover of BC Jean's original. Once again, it's essentially man-bashing (not that it isn't true, though), and Jenton Lee calls it out with its female equivalent, If I Were A Girl.

* Fefe Dobson's "If I Was A Guy" (more of the guys sexin' and then being jerks):

* Dar Williams' "When I Was A Boy", which actually manages to be quite sweet and deep.

What do you guys think? Legitimate songs, or boring shit trying to pass for revolutionary feminist calling out of double standards?

Betrayal, or Becoming What I Hate

2008-11-19T19:58:00.000-08:00

I give up all my ideals and morals to become seduced by the sweet siren of the Internet, after the jump.

I'm just old enough to be one of the transitional generation- the switch from CD's (and before that, cassette tapes- gasp!) to MP3's, DVD's to Netflix, and virtually all tangible media to some sort of digital form, transferred as information over the Internet. It's pretty dang cool.

And, of course, a bitch to police.

Producers work hard to add DRM restrictions to their media, as hackers work hard to get around them. Lawyers shut down Napster, as people everywhere plead the innocence of their downloading. Viacom pulls my beloved slash fanvideos from Youtube, as the fangirls go underground and trade them on Bongo. More music and videos are being uploaded, downloaded, traded and shared on the Web than ever before. Most of it is, of course, technically illegaly.

I have always been a firm believer in intellectual rights. If you make something, it belongs to you. Your work and energy went into its creation, and therefore you deserve just compensation for it. While friends were off talking about downloading songs, I was humming "Don't Download This Song" and proudly proclaiming that I bought all the media I consumed. "It's theft!" I chided. I was happy to support the musicians and filmmakers I loved, safely nestled in my clean conscience. While I generally gave leeway to reproductions like Youtube fanvideos that clearly stated the owners of the media (I have the "Fair Use" clause of copyright law nearly memorized), it was the downloading of something you hadn't bought that really got my goat.

And then I got tech-savvy.

It started off slowly- a legitimate download from a porn site membership was going too slow. One forum suggested Internet Download Manager, which was promptly installed and, sure enough, sped up the downloads quite remarkably. But unexpected was the new feature, a tiny clickable button appearing over every video and song player that I encountered, asking me if I'd like to download it with IDM. At first I ignored it, said "no" when the inevitable box would pop up, but then gave in out of curiosity. And it worked just fine enough. I tucked away that piece of information, downloaded a few things I really, truly loved, and let it be.

Fast-forward; now I'm working on another of my beloved Xtube videos, and I try again and again to import the stubborn video, which I legally bought and purchased from an online retailer, into my Windows Movie Maker. I consulted troubleshooting websites, and stumbled into the big wide world of DRM restrictions. There were tons of eager people sharing programs, discussing how to fight Windows, new updates, and all the time almost frantically proclaiming that this stuff was not meant to help illegal downloads, but rather to help people be able to, say, listen to their DRM-protected Itunes song on another music player, or transfer them to a CD so the could listen to them on stereo. Perhaps true, but it sure sounded like a "Thou doth protesth too much." sort of situation. But I did it, too- cracking the DRM code on my bought video and using it as I saw fit.

And then there was the whole question of file transfers. A fellow Crash Pad Series afficionado on Xtube vigorously agreed about the lack of queer porn and offered a trade of some of the missing links we had in our collection. And whaddya know, but I took it, with the help of Megaupload.com . . . and felt little guilt, surprising myself.

And then, while searching for some movie or another, impossible to find, Google offered in my search results one listed "Bittorrent". Up until then, I'd heard once or twice of this mysterious service, and while in Japan, got a firsthand taste of the wonders it could bring. Locked miserably with the few DVD's we had brought with us and the impossibility of renting any (due to lack of a TV with a DVD player and the 3-times region-switching rule of our laptops), a fellow exchange student searched around online and, two or three hours later, there it miraculously was. I tentatively asked about it, and got a confusing answer, something about sharing and seeds and leeches. I gave up, only to be so desperate for the movie that I downloaded the program and gave it a whirl. Though it took forever (at this point, I hadn't mastered said concept of seeds and leeches), it actually worked. I'd successfully downloaded a movie from the Internet.

I should have felt more remorse, more guilt . . . but all I felt- and sadly continue to feel- is mostly joy. I'm starting to think all my posturing before was just the result of not knowing how to access all this media-stealing technology. The minute I found out, I became just as much a thieving fan as the rest of them. Can we say 'hypocrisy'?

I try to somehow justify it in my mind- no, no, I only download movies I can't get at my local Blockbuster, you know, the rare and hard-to-find! Of cousre, it's all bull . . . the type of movie downloaded hardly matters, and even if it did, I'd probably be more guilty, since the big companies (Warner Bros., etc.) have the money to spare on their popular movies, and the little companies with their indie films struggle. There's always the old argument that illegal downloading doesn't really matter; real fans will go and attend the concerts, buy the DVD's and the fan merchandise. And perhaps that's true for some. But I'm not sure it's true for me. I keep on working to support the kind of music, films, and porn that I like by purchasing it, but the temptresses of Internet downloading are calling to me in the night. I'm running out of space on my hard drive.

And I've become what I hate- the glib young gal shrugging off the accusations that it's stealing, or, perhaps worse, knowing that it is and just not caring. I try and tell myself that I'm not alone- everybody does it. But that doesn't make it right, and my heart knows that.

And yet off again I go, hunting for more free stuff. :(

Behind The Scenes Of Queer Porn, 3 Views

2008-11-15T13:29:00.000-08:00

Today I offer you up three versions of the behind-the-queer-and-indie-porn-scene, one from an actual porno, another a spoof, and the last somewhere in-between. It's always funny to see how people who have never made porn envision it, and it is pretty funny.

1) The real thang. Although it's also an extra on the Superfreak DVD, Behindkink.com has lovingly offered the short documentary "Uncovering Porn For Pussies" for free viewing here, and it's a wonderful look at the people behind Pink & White Productions.

2) The joke. Bunny In A Bottle's short film Monster In My Pants, is, as per the website, a 26-minute mockumentary that follows first-time director Mary Roundfirmenhigh as she navigates the underworld of lesbian porn. Despite diva dykes, slippery prop malfunctions, and a free-flowing absinthe still, MONSTER IN MY PANTS somehow gets made. It's played at festivals, and has received over 225,000 hits (and counting) on iFilm.com. A feature is currently in development. And while certain aspects might not be so in line with reality, it's still funny. Oh, and Dutch, the butch pornstar, is sooooo hot. Now I wish there was a real porn of it!

3) The "other". "Made In Secret: The Story of the East Van Porn Collective" has the following incredibly confusing description: a fascinating documentary made by a collective of Vancouver sex radicals who wanted to make the kind of porn they wanted to watch. Thing is, the collective never really existed as such, but was rather making the documentary which ended up making the porn. Intrigued? What takes place is the documenting of sex, politics and collective experiences (of course endless meetings) in a smart and sassy pseudo-documentary that touches on all the politics that inform the way we watch sex. Even though their website is all praise, other reviews of the film tended more towards the "sucky piece of posturing" type, so it's hard to say which is the truth. Nonetheless, it is queer and it is indie. And the trailer certainly makes it look fun, at least.

And that's it. It's obvious, I'm sure, which one is authentic, and therefore by far the coolest. I mean, really, when the number of queer pornographers is still ashamedly small, how can you spend your time and efforts on faking making porn, in all good conscience?

Darkest Fantasies

2008-11-13T01:05:00.000-08:00

I can always tell my life is getting too complicated and stressful when I find myself daydreaming about master/slave relationships. All of the sudden my fantasies turn more towards being subservient- and not only sexually. A peaceful wave sweeps through me to imagine handing over the reigns of my life to someone wise and all-powerful who I trusted, to be delivered from all obligations of thought and especially decisions. An abdication of having to live my life, really.

That's when I start watching "Secretary" yet again, but even more longingly, and wonder if I shouldn't be looking harder for a domme willing to take me up like this. God help me, I was browsing through Fetlife and came upon a beautiful dandy butch profile, and her invitation looking for housegirls and houseboys. The mere thought actually had me sighing wistfully. I like to cook and clean and keep a house- I could take so much joy out of serving in that way. And my domme- male or female or whatever- could plot out a perfect course for me. She'd come home from work and ask me about my classes; there's no chance of procrastination, and I read my chapters while curled up as her human footstool. Then there's the dinner I've cooked us- fragrant, exotic cuisine that's vegan (because, in my fantasy, she's incredibly healthy and helps me give up meat), perhaps perched at her side as she feeds me just the amount I should have. She's my exercise trainer, pushing me hard and regularly (because I wouldn't- and don't- do it on my own now). She puts me to bed early and wakes me up early. She has a strict schedule laid out for me. And she gives me incredible orgasms- opens me up to sensual pleasures of both the soft and the whacking, stinging, shocking kind. There are play parties on the weekends. Training that takes up all of my concentration and consumes me with a single minded drive whose accomplishment gives me incredible pleasure. When she comes home, the house is spotless and I am utterly content.

Except that I know this is all ridiculous.

I am not a sub, or at least, not in the way I described above. I'm a switch and I definitely don't think I have the stamina or the dedication to a 24/7 lifestyle either way. I'm headstrong and I'm sure that within far too short a timespan, I'd buck and chafe at the rules, feel resentment, and want to be in charge of my life again. The dynamic would wear thin, as it does with anyone who doesn't truly take pleasure out of being servile.

I know that it's stupid. And yet they are my fantasies, still faintly erotic but mostly oddly de-sexualized, where I become almost something of a child- without any of the pressures and emotional minefields that constitute adulthood. It's probably the most shameful and guilt-inducing fantasy I have, actually. Rape play, pissing, and incestual orgies fade in comparison to the cheek-flushing confession that I want someone else to take care of it all, to let me run away from my fears and anxieties, to live in some sort of simplified world that only skims the surface. To find freedom and relief in shackles, because if you have no choice, you feel no agony, and if you fail, someone else shares the burden of that failure with you.

It's poetic and pathetic, but whatever. It's 1:30 in the morning and I'm procrastinating on a paper due at 8:00. These are just thoughts running through my head. Sigh.

Lolchampions?

2008-11-11T11:14:00.000-08:00

I'm a big old dork, because I've been on the Internet forever and yet somehow managed to escape, at least until maybe three or four months ago, the sweeping craze that was and is lolcats- those weird and funny pictures of cats captioned by nearly unintelligible words and phrases. Sure, I saw one or two, but I always ignored them and moved on. Until I found I Can Has Cheezburger?, and then a bigger chunk of my life than I'm willing to admit was lost searching and giggling over these pictures.

I'm also a big old dork because I decided to make my own, with pussies but not with cats. Forgive me, Pink & White Productions; it was too cute an idea to not run away with. And I've posted way too many plain blogs about the film- why put up pictures here when anybody could go and survey them directly at the source? Click after the jump for some wonderful new [stripped of all their dignity] pics from the upcoming MMA fighting dyke porn Champion. You are forewarned; they are dumb.

Perhaps the most graphic:

And the silliest:

This is what happens when you have no school on Veteran's Day. :D

Still, you've come with me all the way down to the last picture, so you deserve a reward. Champion's new adult preview is here!

Well, my blog is being stupid and is cutting off the trailer! Stupid blog (and probably stupid me for not better understanding formatting). Anyways, you can watch good versions at Blowfish.com or Jiz's blog.

Gender-Bending, Squared

2008-11-10T23:18:00.000-08:00

It's a common misconception by those not-in-the-know, I think, that drag queens are simply men who want to be women, and drag kings are simply women who want to be men. The non-queer community has a pretty difficult time differentiating between all those similar T-words- transgender, transsexual, transvestite. Don't even get 'em started on transfags or transdykes! So there's a tendency to believe that if you like dressing up and acting like the opposite sex, the only possible reason is because of deep-seated desires to become that sex.

Well, cross-dressing transfolk and transfolk in drag totally put that to shame. And I decided to give them some blogspace, to combat the above silly idea (as well as because I find it wonderfully hot and deliciously subversive).

Even though FtM Dan, here in these pictures, (lifted from Photographer Richard A. Chase's journal Commentaries and Love Letters", where you can find a wonderful description of Dan, as well as his own words), is cross-dressing as part of neither a kink nor a drag routine, but instead almost as a way to revisit his past, it's still somewhat incredible to see. If you get confused at the idea of a straight crossdressing man, get ready for your head to spin at Dan- a guy who used to be a girl, dressed in girl's clothes.

FtM Adrian Dalton, however, is dressing up in women's clothes for the stage, and his drag persona, the lovely, campy Miss Lola, appears below at roughly 5:49.

If you scour the Internet for MtF drag kings, you do find a few, and they all seem think they're the only ones (yes, we totally need to get them together). The most famous, perhaps, is Brooklynne M. Thomas, who performs as drag king persona U.B. Mackin and his sister persona, Pandora Paradox. But Brooklynne rocks most in my eyes for her brilliant rationale for being a transwoman drag king, "Dissection Of A MtF Drag King".

And let us not forget the wonderful Traci Klawes, who tours with the drag king troupe The Milton Kings and the Tranny Roadshow as Willie P. Fister.

And here's transwoman Natalie practices her drag king routine (her persona is the cleverly-named Isa Jak Ingov).

I just adore all these crazy gender-benders, whose donning of drag is only more of a confirmation that transsexuality is a genetic thing- about the body (and a profound statement on our gender duality- the masculinity and femininity within all of us). Plus, they're SEX-AY!

Now That It's (Sorta) Over . . .

2008-11-10T08:15:00.000-08:00

Well . . . we lost. Despite my fellow porn enthusiasts going out and buying to your heart's content, and despite voting (as I know you all did), we failed to defeat the ban on gay marriage here in California (a.k.a. Prop 8).

Of course, that doesn't mean defeat; the results were so incredibly close, support and opposition was huge on both sides, and, as Jiz Lee so wonderfully brought to my attention, the fight soldiers on. And hooray for that, because the last thing we need is to become demoralized and give up. We do not live in a democracy, where a majority rules our lives- we live in a republic, where the majority rules . . . so long as they don't infringe on our rights. I'd say refusing the right of marriage is one of those that we're entitled to (as citizens, taxpayers, and heck, human beings). So we'll turn to the blindfolded lady Justice and let her weigh it out in the times to come.

But now that all's said and done, I don't want an angry rant about homophobia, or a weepy rant about losing, or even an inspirational manifesto about overcoming. I want to ask: what are we doing?

It's incredible, I think, the amount of money we were able to raise in support of the "No On 8" campaign- a brilliant $38,432,873. We even beat out the other side with their $36,122,538 (not that it helped). I can hardly fathom these numbers- they seem fantastical. All for a few ads to try and sway the general public.

I don't mean to say that opposing Prop 8 isn't important- I hope that it's clear that it's a huge deal and one that certainly makes a difference in lives- it's not just about some abstract "rights", but about respect and tolerance and being acknowledged, in being able to be with your partner, and, for those already married, for staying that way. But was it worth such a price tag?

I'll admit that my thoughts have been seriously swayed by a book I bought a while back- Mattilda Bernstein's That's Revolting. In it are a bevy of essays asking the somewhat taboo question that doesn't get asked nearly enough in queer circles- the biggest of which is "Do we even need marriage?". Some will scream- of course we do! And on the other side of the divide is the radicals who would like to do away with the whole institution on the basis of what it used to be and maybe still stands for (the symbolic passing over of a bride from her father to her new husband as chattel?), or favor the philsophical approach that we don't need no stinkin' pieces of paper to prove our bonds. You've got queer folks who want to get married, queer folks who don't and never would, thinking it's too "straight", queer folks who want to have something but don't want to call it marriage, and those who won't stand for anything less than the M word. There isn't a queer around (I think) who says we don't deserve the right to marriage; that's a given. But as to whether we ought be fighting one of our many battles here, on this issue, and spending our money here, I just don't know if it's that clear-cut.

The various essays bring up strong, radical points that I don't always believe/agree with, but which are provocative nonetheless. Is marriage, and this fight for gay marriage, a fight that only benefits some queers? Does it represent a class of relatively elite, affluent, mainly white conservative (i.e. non-radical, not non-liberal) gays and lesbians, who have a vested interest in the institution of marriage, and the privileges it brings, both pyschological, in social reception, and least not in asset sharing and whatnot? How much of the fight for gay marriage has to do with wanting the status and privilege that comes with it, and the normalizing effect that goes with it? I'm not saying that queer folks are somehow less equipped or less inclined to go hand-in-hand with marriage. Gay marriage naturally belongs on the list of the gay agenda list (you know, the real one, not the one that has 'recruit and convert all the innocent chitlins on it).

My question is this: could that money have been put to other, better use? How many lives could have been bettered if the money went to helping the queers that get left out of the HRC meetings, or blatantly turned away? What if instead of waging a neverending battle against the lies thrown out by the Prop 8 supporters, the money was used for organizations with outreach and education? What if we created more and helped keep the public queer spaces open? How about providing aid to the GLBTQ homeless and at-risk youth?

Those are just some of the thoughts running through my head. Hmm.

Fellatio Singalong

2008-11-03T18:07:00.000-08:00

Remember when I did the Cunnilingus Singalong? Well, now it's the boys' turn. I'm just sad I couldn't find any songs about gay fellatio!

1) The Waitstaff's "The Blowjob Song". It's so adorable. Everybody's smiling- cuz they're thinking about blowjobs. ;)

2) "The Blowjob Song" by Richy. A song that manages to be coy- you know what they're talking about, but you want to say "Nah, it's about lollipops!". And it'll get stuck in your head all day, guaranteed.

3) Jonathan Fin's "Blowjob Song". Not a fave, really, because if somebody said "You fucking bitch, your hand doesn't belong there at all.", I'd definitely get down on my knees to give them a blowjob- and then bite it off. But it's still stupidly catchy.

4) "The Blowjob Song" by Blink 182. Sophomoric humor dealing with sex and your mom (as is 95% of teen boys'- and adult mens'- humor), but it's very famous.

5) "Suck My Cock" by . . . I'm not sure. I couldn't find out! But it's perfect- Christmas is coming, sooner than you think!

6) "The Most Offensive Song Ever" from "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut". Very fitting, considering how many kids nowadays don't think that oral sex compromises one's virginity.

7) "Gimmie Some Head" by dilly21ny. Nice beat!

8) G.G. Allin's "Blowjobs". A little poor quality here, but still head-boppitty.

9) "Suck My Dick" by Sleezy Dee and The Suck My Dick Krew. I'm pretty sure a song about fellatio can't fail when it's written by the "The Suck My Dick Krew".

10) Carl Meachin's "Can I Have A Blowjob?". I like this one, because there's a very polite "please" at the end there. Always nice to be polite when requesting oral lovin' because you haven't got the energy to fuck.

11) Barkymark's "Blow Job". Added in because he sings very nicely and I didn't want to forget him.

So go on, serenade somebody, all you boys (and girls with your strap-ons!), and get some head!

Finite Resources, Infinite Good Causes

2008-11-03T16:25:00.000-08:00

There is a question that still manages to plague me, even after contemplating it since forever: where should I buy my sex supplies?

Easy, you say. Buy it from wherever they sell it.

But it's not so easy. Just look at my fave retailers at the right; although they each have their particular strengths and weaknesses, I hold Blowfish, Babeland, and Good Vibrations in pretty much the same regard. There are no real favorites- they all rock, both in their service and selections, and in their company ethos. And that's forgetting all the little companies- Good For Her, Smitten Kitten, Early2Bed, and on and on with others I should know. Should I support these little companies who are still struggling, and forgo those big companies who are well-off enough to miss out on my purchase of a $20 dildo? That always seems like reverse capitalism to me- an act that, in effect, punishes companies who have found success through their hard work, good customer service, and superior product selection. How's that for incentive? And what's more- when I give my money to a big company that I support and shares my views and outlooks, my chances increase, as all that extra capital spills over into new ventures- a store opening close(r) to me, for example (so I can actually walk in, instead of doing only online orders!), or making their own porn or sex toys. If a good deal of people had funneled their funds into other smaller companies instead of Blowfish, would the result have been many medium-sized and growing companies, and Blowfish not helping to release and distribute Pink & White's films? Heaven forbid!

And this isn't even taking into account buying sex toys through folks who get kickbacks when you shop through their links. Should I purchase this DVD from my favorite blogger X, who gets a small percentage of that, thus telling them they have fans and hopefully increasing their output and awesomeness? What about paying for Jiz Lee's eye surgery (because I figure the best way to keep her making fantastic porn is to keep her happy)? Or should it go to institution Y, whose goals I truly support and believe in? And for heaven's sake, what about institution Z? Both Y and Z are great causes! This isn't even a problem of donation, where it's all charitable; I'm going to buy the sex toy anyway for my own selfish reasons, and I just want to help somebody in the meantime.

And speaking of it, what about donating to causes? I've made it clear before- I'm poor and broke. But I want to help, and I want to see change in so many places. Where should my money go? To big organizations who are doing relatively fine on their own? To small ones who really need the help, but probably won't be affecting any real change for a long while, or not without some massive donations? How am I supposed to rank my interests- should I donate to free speech, or sex worker rights, or feminist causes, or defending our porn, or political parties (which, with my third party-support, would probably be seen as wasted anyways), or voting down/up propositions, or what?

And then let us not forget that naggling part of me that says "Here you are whining about how to put your measly money to good use- how about doing something for real?". I have limited money, so why aren't I writing letters to Congress, marching in protests, volunteering my time? How long can I pretend that donating money isn't just a sorry way to excuse laziness by forking over some cash in a hostile hostage exchange for my conscience and sense of satisfaction as a do-gooder?

Ugh. I'm overwhelmed by choices, frustrated by my inefficacy.

How do you do it, my readers? Whether it's giving donations or just making your purchases, how do you choose the recipient of your time, your effort, your money, your business? When there are so many good people out there, great businesses, wonderful institutions, how do you mete out your input?

And Eros-Zine Was Gone . . .

2008-11-03T14:49:00.000-08:00

Even though I knew the site was dead and no longer being updated when I put it on my blogroll or even wrote about it here, I still wanted to list Eros-Zine, because they had an amazing backlog of wonderful posts- porn reviews, interviews, news headlines, erotic photography and artistry . . . the list goes on.

Then I went to look up something today, and it's all gone.

I'm not quite sure if somebody else bought the domain name and kept the overall layout, or if the owners decided to reduce the room they were taking up on the server and keep the site alive by getting some advertisers, but now it's little more than a page full of links, albeit links to good places, like Kink.com's sites and the Stockroom and all that.

I'm actually pretty sad. Back when I was a wee little queer thang just barely standing up on her wobbly Bambi legs, some blessed person in the Bisexual.com forums wrote a post about a movie called "The Crash Pad". I went to Google and typed it in. One of the first sites that came up was Eros-Zine, with a review of the movie, and even up until it was gone, it was one of the only reviews that featured pictures of everyone- Dylan, Shawn, Jiz, Jo, Dusty Ryder. And the review was spot-on. I bought it, became a pervalicious queer chick (as happens to anyone who views the film, naturally), and haven't looked back since. Eros-Zine introduced me to Marty Klein, author of one of my favorite blogs, Sexual Intlligence. And before I knew about other erotic blogs and adult industry news sources, I checked there daily to learn about Morty Diamond and Tony Comstock and Eon McKai. In other words, it was a crucial aid in making me who I am today.

So, bye, Eros-Zine. I suppose I should remove you from my blogroll, and let this post serve as a memory of what was. Thanks for everything.

When Non-Fetishists Shoot Fetish Porn

2008-11-03T13:22:00.000-08:00

My thought for this week: If you're going to make fetish porn, you need to cast people who have those fetishes.

I watched (or more like skimmed) Girlfriend Films' "Mommy's Boi" over the weekend. For those not in the know, Girlfriend Films' is a lesbian company for lesbians, but I'd rank it rather differently than, say, my beloved Pink & White Productions. The girls are all uniformly femme and don't read as very queer, even though I don't doubt their lesbianism or bisexuality. Their scenes are generally a little too soft for me. But I was willing to take a gander over at their film "Mommy's Boi", which promised some serious forced masculinization of pretty femmes at the hands of their older lady pals.

Now, I'm not that big a fan of ageplay dynamics, and when I am, I usually like "daddy energy" (whether it's a real daddy or a butch dyke daddy), so already the whole titular "Mommy's Boi" concept was not quite for me (sorry to all the dominant momma's out there!). But that actually brings me to my main point: I have a feeling that if real ageplay, forced-masculinization fetishists had comprised this movie, it would have completely sold me and I'd have loved every minute of it. In the same way I never thought I'd find impact play and serious slapping to be sexy, watching folks who got off on it made me realize how sexy it could be. The problem with "Mommy's Boi" is that the actresses don't have this kink. The film's concept was hatched in the site's forum regarding genderplay, but it was mostly proposed by and lobbied for hard by Trapper 'Jock' McIntyre, a big fan of girls in jockstraps and butch girls who aren't pierced and tattooed (the way so many are). While I love the idea of fans and 'normal folk' getting to influence porn products, the movie could have been a knockout if, say, Trapper and girlfriend Sparky had gone at it for the cameras. Their passion and arousal and love of the kink would have translated on-screen. The "bois-to-be" wouldn't even had had to share this fetish, since a certain level of unwillingness is supposed to be part of the game (hence the 'forced' in 'forced masculinization'). Yes, I suppose we would have lost out on the whole 'mommy' aspect, but I wasn't even getting that vibe from the mommas in the film. Nothing about them read as domineering, or particularly enticed by their femmes all boi'd up.

But again, back to my point: fetishists should make movies for fetishists. You can almost see it when you're watching- that little bit of hesitation on the actresses' part- now what is it that the fans would think is sexy? what would they want to see? It's not that I think that all sex on camera is natural; I know that porn is performance, even when it boasts a good deal of reality and physical honesty in terms of pleasure. But someone with a fetish for forced masculinization wouldn't have to ask the questions- they know the answers! You know? I think about Kink.com, and how the various site directors all are passionate about the kink they're displaying. It turns THEM on. In fact, I think in one of their Behind Kink videos, Peter Acworth even talked about how Buttmachineboys.com went under mostly because the guy in charge wasn't really invested in the product. Sometimes you can get rare occasions of good kink from non-kinksters- when a kink is better understood by the general people involved (i.e. everybody knows about spanking and its presumed allure, so you can fake it pretty well even if you don't really like it), when you've got top-notch kinky paraphenalia (how could you go wrong letting a curious girl into a well-stocked dungeon, even if she's not really a domme?), and if you're so desperate for any display of your kink that whatever you get is a godsend in and of itself. But even though forced masculinization is totally one of my kinks (I even wrote some erotica based on it), and there isn't hardly any of it out there (rather disheartening, since so many good forced-feminization stories and porn do exist), I'm just not quite desperate enough to go gaga over "Mommy's Boi". It delivers on the kink, but it's hollow where it counts most.

If anything, at least the genre now exists- AVN wrote about this "new niche" of forced-masculinization porn that "Mommy's Boi" represents. Perhaps others can capitalize on the market created, and make the right choices where Girlfriend Films went wrong.

So I'm laying it out there: if it was between me getting to watch the fulfillment of all my fantasies, kinks, and fetishes done by laypeople who don't really understand them and have never done it before in their private sexual lives or even just their fantasies, or between seeing people doing a kinky fetish that I've never expressed much interest in but they absolutely go head-over-heels for, I'll take the latter every time. Pornographers, pay attention: that is how you make a really good product. It's perfectly fine to want to tap into these niche markets, but if you want it to resonate for us, hire models who are into it. Or, barring that, get a fetishist on set as a consultant who can explain to the models what's supposed to be going on in their heads- why it's hot, how they'd react. And this goes for all fetishes- from tame bondage to full-on forced lesbian masculinization by mommy figures.

I've always been at a loss- would I rather have big companies clumsily tackle the ideas that turn me on, or would I wait for a [probably rather low-budget filmed] product from someone who really gets it? "Mommy's Boi" answers that question resolutely. Give me real people acting out their fetishes any day.

$2,096 Closer To Equality!

2008-10-31T17:12:00.000-07:00

Well, first off, Happy Halloween! Be sure to be safe and all that tonight as you celebrate this delightful Paganistic holiday, flouncing around in your incredibly slutty costumes, as I'm sure you are.

Secondly, rock on, you awesome people! Of course you remember my urging you to buy porn AND simultaneously support "No On Prop 8" campaign, and ya'll came through.

The official numbers are out:

Comstock Films raised a whopping $1,596! Pink & White Productions raised $500! Both numbers are awesome!

Together, we can keep Shine Louise Houston (and many, many others!) married and able to do so.

And even though it's not directly Prop 8-related, I did a little something on my part (other than donating and blogging, that is):

It's not much, but it's something, right?

Prop 8: The Question Nobody's Asking

2008-10-30T16:26:00.000-07:00

I really don't want to get political on this blog. That is to say, I don't want to mention the names of any politicians, unless they're doing something sex-related. I just don't want to be dragged down into that bog, because I've seen too many non-politically-focused blogs get overrun by political opinion posts. I don't want to be that blog, losing all of its fun with rants that can typically be found elsewhere, and often by much more informed folks than myself.

Moreover, I doubt it would have much effect, except perhaps for a cathartic effect for me as the writer. Almost everyone who reads non-news blogs has already formed an opinion, and probably won't budge very much . . . they read the same old things screaming either "Heck yeah! Dead-on!" or "Heck no! What an idiot!". And that's just not productive, satisfying as it may be. And for those moderates and undecided voters whose minds I could potentially sway, well, I'm pretty sure they will have decided with the help of bigger, better, famous-er blogs by the time they finally come to mine. I'm just not in the business of trying to convince you.

And yet, whenever I see a certain viewpoint missing in a discussion, I feel the call of duty, particularly since such discussions usually have reached a stalemate, locked in a dead heat between proponents and opponents who feverently believe in their cause. It's my opinion that nobody wants to somehow 'destroy America' the way some politicans would have you believe. We all have needs and desires, as individuals and as members of groups/communities with their own interests, and though I may disagree with some of those interests, I certainly believe that they all should be taken seriously. Political fanatics who don't listen to any reason are not just stupid and/or brainwashed, as we'd like to believe- they are made when they [sometimes legitimately] feel they are being pushed aside and not being listened to. If you think the world is against you from the start, there's no way you're going to listen to the well-founded criticisms you receive. And then we're back right again to that stalemate.

My inspiration today was in an op-ed piece about- what else?- California's Proposition 8, the gay marriage ban (for those of you who, as I often forget, don't live in Cali). Though it's certainly a serious topic, I can't help but read all the debates with amusement. The "yes" supporters often fall on arguments I find most ridiculous. But occasionally they do hit a strong nerve that can't be laughed away so easily, and one of them has been the accusation that allowing gay marriage would create legislative imperatives for those individuals and institutions who don't agree with it- i.e. churches having to marry gay folks, kids being taught about gay marriage in school, etc.). This has raised a series of commercials about who's lying- will kids know about the fact that um, there are gay people in the world, or will they be able to ignore this fact by locking themselves in their basements and being isolated from the general world? I'm going to skip the "Liar!" accusations and go right to the assumption that neither side really knows just how, exactly, the legislation will work. It's a nebulous thing, law. The Prop 8 supporters might be right about some changes taking place- and if they are, what then?

Case in point: the article offered several concrete, documented examples, wherein doctors were sued for not artificially inseminating a lesbian woman because of their personal religious convictions, churches lost some of their tax-exempt status for refusing to let a lesbian couple hold a civil union ceremony in its pavilion, and parents were refused the right in a court case to opt their children out of school discussions of homosexuality. Now, you, like me, are probably rolling your eyes, because you know that it's stupid and ridiculous for people to have their panties all in a bunch over homosexuality in this day and age. They're stupid, they're bigots, whatever, it's soo over. Deal with it. Don't try to legislate your homophobia and weird mixed up feelings onto me. But these are still big concerns to these people, and like I said above, when nobody listens to your grievances or dismisses them, you start launching ugly campaigns.

The problem, then, becomes one of competing rights. How do you bow to both without becoming discriminatory? And that's the question nobody's asking.

I believe people have the right to get married, because according to our Constitution, we have the right to, as individuals, voluntarily enter into contracts regardless of their nature. When we sign, by the fact that we pay taxes, the justice department will honor that in court, and make sure both parties hold up their end. Calling it 'civil unions' when it provides the exact same thing (which, actually, it often doesn't), is eerily reminiscent of the 'separate but equal' thing, which the Brown vs. Topeka Board of Education struck. And I believe that individuals have the right against the government forcing them to serve and interact with those they don't want to. So even though I get odd looks for saying it, I believe that a bigot who doesn't want to let a black person into his store, or hire a woman for a job just because she's a woman, for example, should have the right to do so. The government cannot do this, of course, because Lady Justice wears a blindfold and the law is impartial; there can be no discrimination in a democratic government, and injustices in hiring and whatnot should be brought to suit. But if you own a business or institution and wish to do the completely idiotic, counterintuitive and counterproductive act of turning away qualified employees or paying customers because of your bigotry, your business will suffer (and hopefully conscientious citizens will launch boycotts and raise awareness about how much you suck).

If there are some Prop 8 supporters who are truly motivated by the fears mentioned in this article and still feel that gays should have the right to marry, if it weren't for all these complications (and I'm sure there have to be some, right?), then nobody is asking the question: why don't we get the government out of our lives and have the best of both sides? If you don't want the government being able to say who your church has to marry, then you have to give up your tax exempt status (which has always bugged me, anyways, especially since I read Winnifred Sullivan's The Impossibility Of Religious Freedom, which made a wonderful argument that government's protection of religious "rights" privileges the religious over the non-religious and takes on the impossible task of deciding what constitutes a "true" religion, particularly when it comes to more hybridized folk faith). If you want to resolve the question of what students learn, you need to get the government out of education and turn to private schooling and homeschooling. If you want to be able to not treat/serve/whatever to various people in your business, you must get the government out of your business- and that includes the laws that benefit you.

Of course, I know not everybody shares these Libertarian thoughts, and it's far too extreme for our gigantic, bloated government to instantly do. But what irks me most is, again, that nobody is even offering this as a possibility to be shot down.

That's it for today's politics.

Women Wanting Sex? Hil-ar-ious! (NOT)

2008-10-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

It used to be mildly funny, but I'm quickly getting tired of all those porn-related spoofs that end up reinforcing our ideas that women are sexless and wouldn't be turned on by yummy raunchy things unless the man in question is being Harlequin-style, vomitously over-romantic or is performing some sort of other non-erotic service for her (opening his wallet, doing chores, etc.). Not that I don't also enjoy men who do their fair share of housework- have I ever told you how a man cooking (good food) can melt me into a fuckable puddle almost instantaneously? But when there's such a dearth out there of porn aimed at women and/or made by women, I get irked at people grabbing my attention with unfulfilled promises.

First it was the attention-garnering but still-kinda-cute Cambridge Women's Pornography Cooperative and Susan Anderson's book (and calendar!) Porn For Women, which at least did show some manflesh (moreso in the calendar, though). But now I trip over Porn For Girls By Girls, which is all just a horrible spoof to sell David McCandless' book "The Internet: Now In Handy Book Format". And yeah, it's equipped with fully-clothed males, plays on ubiquitous porno slogans- "Huge Wet Smiling Eyes", for example- and the one thing I did like, three separate tabs labeled "Foreplay".

I should smile, but damn it, it's taking up webspace that should be devoted to real porn for girls by girls! I wouldn't be angry at all if there were more than a handful of such websites to accompany it, but until then, I'll stay pissed, because as it stands, a gal looking for porn and directed to this site gets only the message that she's abnormal for looking for real pornography- something she's been getting from society already (and somehow managed to overcome in her Internet searches). Or the boyfriend or husband who wants to open her up to porn and is looking for something that'll appeal to her- and ends up closing his browser, convinced the only things out there are either for gay men, raunchy hardcore for men, and spoofs that make a mockery out of female desire.

Grrr. Righteously angry posts are actually kinda fun.